This too shall pass...but when?

3 bowls of coffee ice cream with chocolate chips and chocolate sprinkles, and three glasses of Coke. Honestly the highlight of my Sunday.

I love being busy, mostly because it keeps me from being idle. If I have a list or series of things to do, I'm...content. Not blissfully happy or anything, but content, that my life is filled and I don't have to worry too much because things will get done.
I normally love Sundays, but one big con is that I'm free and idle most of the time. And that gives way to very painful and hurting thoughts.
Mostly about him.
I remember everything. About how simpler life was back then, in the beginning of the whole commitment. About how he could easily, and willingly, come to meet me whenever he pleased, how he remembered simple dates and reminded me of them with gestures. My birthday. Our anniversary.
Now. 
It's all really strange. When I voice it out to somebody (usually when they ask about him) it makes me sound like he's this lying, cheating, not-caring-about-me person. 
Like what happened today, when my friend I was over (she and him were classmates back in school)


I: How's H?
Me: Oh, he's fine.
I: When did you guys meet last time?
Me: Um, it's been awhile.
I: Why?
Me: Because he works now, we can only meet when he gets off work.
I: Oh. What did he give you for Valentine's Day?
Me: Nothing, he wasn't here for Valentine's Day, so we didn't celebrate it (but this struck me hard. Why DIDN'T he give me anything? We could've celebrated it when he came back from Islamabad. He could've thought to make it up to me. Something, anything to prove that he wanted me to feel better or make me happy. A gift. A rose. A meeting.)
I: Hm. Are you going to sleep now?
Me: No, I'm going to study some more.
I: Isn't he going to call?
Me: *heart panging* Um, yeah. (No, he wasn't going to. Not likely anyway. But I didn't want her to know that)
I: Why isn't he calling then?
Me: because he apparently doesn't have time for me anymore. Because we're growing apart. Because it's not midnight yet. He'll call after midnight. 
I: Okay.


I know everyone reading this must be thinking that I should be hating on her, but I'm not. She was just asking innocently, she doesn't know if we have problems or not, in fact, she is the last person I'll ever tell. 
It all hurts now. Everything. And I want to be so angry at him, but I won't, and I can't. Why should I, so he can berate me for not being understanding again? 
He doesn't call me at night because he needs to sleep because he has work the next day. I have college the next day too. Okay no wait, I get more sleep than him because of my afternoon nap.
He doesn't meet me anymore. Because in th daytime, he has work till 5pm, and then when he gets home, he has to attend to his idiotic nice friends, and family, which might not sound like a lot, but it fills up his evening and night.
He bluntly told me three days ago that we couldn't talk at night anymore. And no, I didn't throw a tantrum like everyone expected me to. I told him I understand, and I want him fresh and alert for work. I did feel that way at that moment. Really. Now I don't though.
Can I just ask, to this random realm of Blogspot, to anyone reading this, how he expects to maintain this relationship if he can't give me time? Yes, things get tough, yes, we all have to struggle, but...there's really nothing that you will do to keep this alive? Just allow life to flow with you flowing with it, and not make an effort to meet, or talk, or ANYTHING? Anything at all. Anything. Even a random call in the middle of the day, or something to prove to me that you want this as much as I do. I did.
I've already cemented myself to believe that this will last as long as it will last. And if it ends for one reason or the other, then it was bound to happen, and there's nothing either one of us could do about it. There's no need to get emotional. He does not supply the oxygen I need to breathe. 
He's just the only man I've ever loved in my life. And he was my first everything. 
He told me that he would come over to my place again while Kt was at residence, so that there would be no interefence. How can I explain to him how happy that statement made me, and further yet, how can I explain how killed inside I was when he never mentioned it again, especially after Kt came back? Not in a call, nor a text. Did he even remember? Did it even matter to him?
And then I remembered the whole Valentine Day fiasco. 
And then I remembered that he told me we might be able to meet on Saturday.
Today is Sunday.
He sounds really non-loving/non-caring, doesn't he? I know.
Tomorrow is the start of a new week and the start of me being busy again. Then I will surround myself with the friends that make me laugh, and the teachers who teach us, and my family who is so supportive and strong, and will always be my strongest core. 
Oh, by the way, Mom is out of surgery, at home, feeling much better. Alhamdulillah. :) She needs about 1-2 months bed rest, getting up only to go to the bathroom, and occasionally to the lounge to sit and stuff. I've explained to her that it's only 2 months of patience, after which she will start to walk again, which will be a huge blessing. :)
From tomorrow, I will make this the most productive week of my year so far (including all the other oncoming weeks too). I will pray, and study, and take care of my family. And busy myself.
I have so much more to my life that I need to focus on, because like I said before, there is always a bigger picture.
There's one thing that fixes everything in my life though: Knowing that I'll go back to America one day. :)
Also, I want to change my blog layout, but for that I need time, and suggestions. Any ideas? I like mine being simple, but now it's getting a little boring. I'm going to mix and match some colors and fonts, but not size. I love this size :) 
Have a great week everybody!