Gratitude.

Everyone has standards. A set of rules and principles. To live life by, to avoid certain people, and to befriend others. Formed by experience, people,moments. 
Stick by them. Don't bend or break them for anyone. Except maybe your parents. But that's it. Nobody else deserves it. Not another single person in this world can, and will make the effort to prove that they can be better than the principle you made. And if someone is, seriously respect them and keep them. And if nobody is, you'll end up regretting having bent your own will to match someone else's.
Some people can't take dishonesty. Others lying. Maybe smoking. Or drinking. To each its own. And you don't need to justify it. You're human. The world is viewed with a million eyes in a thousand different ways. Perception is relative. We're all scattered. The least we can have is our own opinion.
And nobody should talk you out of it. Tell you it's no big deal. That just because they don't hold the same principle/point/standard, it means it isn't important. Or worth considering. In fact, make that another principle. Avoid anyone who talks you out of your beliefs.
Stand for something. Always. Stand for things that will make you a better person tomorrow.
You're you. No one does it better.

Somnolence.

The only way I can drag out of bed is by fumbling for my phone, and turning on the most upbeat song on the recent playlist. The one playing for a couple of days now is "King of Anything" by Sara Bareilles. And then proceeding to get up and clean the bedroom in a dance-y way. That is the ONLY thing that can wake me up, unfortunately. Not even my mom's constant efforts of sending the kid-worker upstairs to knock on my door a hundred times. In the end, I'll always reply "Uth gayi hoon", and then fall back asleep.
It seems that it's just getting harder and harder for me to wake up as I get older. Or maybe it's just the winter season. Where all you want to do is stay curled up in bed.
Tomorrow starts the whole practical/viva situation. This will extend till 10th December. Back down to studying the same books that I just closed last week.
I am so ill. It was first a flu. Then a tiiiiny cough. Then it became a totally full blown out chest infection. There are tissues everywhere. My head hurts. Only God knows how I am still ploughing on and getting practicals memorized for tomorrow.
I am really, REALLY in the mood to write a long, thoughtful post about life and its shenanigans. But time is short and I must get back. This was just a small interlude to clear my mind of things.

P.S. I need to buy tights.
P.P.S I am now in love with mayonnaise, and I eat it with everything. 

Okay now I'm seriously done.

"Maybe it's all for the best
But I just don't see any good in this
Maybe we'll find something better
But the lovers who leave us will always hold a place."

-Between You and I 
Every Avenue

I'm finding myself beginning to write song lyrics all over again. It's been years. Because there haven't been any meaningful songs in awhile. But now there are.
It's not necessary for a song to have to pertain to you, to relate to you. Maybe something happened so long ago, that you barely think about it anymore. Him, anymore. But songs like these bring it up again. And instead of tears and wet cheeks (probably what the song intended) you have shivers down your spine and memories in your head. And it's the happy nostalgia, not any type of missing or ache or agony. Just a nice, happy, look-back. A part of your past.

Food Overload.

Oh, the Prof written papers being over feels so good. Like, seriously, REALLY good. Vivas and practicals can be conquered, it's THIS first step that drags everyone down. For four hours after the last paper, I was thinking ''Oh my God, it's really over. I get to go home and do nothing for a good 3-4 days."
But enough about my sappy feelings about getting done with the theory papers. Even though I could go on and on about how relieved and well-slept I feel. During papers I was sleeping a maximum of an hour and a half per night. And minimum of a half hour. Medicine wrings you in its totality.
I am up for cooking. And baking. And doing anything besides academics. I made Garlic Mayo sauce today. It rivalled OPTP's.

I loved it in all its tangy-ness.
I want to go to Tutti Frutti again soon. I'm starting to develop a bad habit for it. They design the store so cheerfully that it becomes your chocolate, your go-to place for feeling better. Or celebrating. I didn't even mind going alone, but I haven't gotten a chance to yet. I probably will tomorrow. I want frozen yogurt. Which in my case, is not healthy for me at all since I load it with so many toppings. People are so selective and...LINEAR about their toppings. I add them all. I add pomegranate seeds and chocolate sauce. And gummy bears and M and M's. And the twirly chocolate sticks.

^ The above half post is me acting like a kid.
I hope everyone stays safe for the weekend. Honest to God prayers are with everyone. I might not BE a Shia, but I know how it feels.

Fusion.

It's that crazy week. Prof week.
And every minute of every day is supposed to be accounted for, planned and scheduled.
I'm supposed to be asleep right now, to wake up un-fresh, shoot cups of coffee in my mouth, and study for (literally) 15 hours. But I suddenly had this strange desire to get out of bed and write. For no reason. This post has no reason. But it will just "be".
This is so wrong, being awake right now. Because I know I'll be so tired later. It almost feels like a sin. But occasionally, it doesn't matter if something is right or wrong. It just has to happen. Feelings lead you that way.
You know what I like about myself? The ability to still be sensitive despite being twenty two and fully practical and logical, in every sense of the word. If there's an exam coming up, EMOTIONS WILL BE BARRED. Focus will be there. Nothing can affect me. And then right after the exam, easily dipping into a nice sensitive niche where I can be open and laughing and talking as much as I want, with friends or H or my sister.
 On the way home today, I thought. Some people live in the past. Some people are fully "yolo" and live NOW. And others live for the future. Is it possible to be all three? I think so. To remember and savor (some parts) and dispose (some parts) of the past, to plan and enjoy and breathe in the present, and be satisfied that, God willing, there is a future. The next hour. The next event. Tomorrow. The next time you'll get to sleep. 
I think this ^ way.
But you know what else? We never really grow out of some things. Like the childish way we feel hurt and pain. We just find more formal and articulate words to describe it. And a stronger voice and wider eyes. 
Prof week. Biochemistry next. A paper I dread, and am terrified of. And that I am now going to work my ass off for, in the next two days. 
I better go. It's late. The sense of right and wrong just kicked in.

Ripple Effect.

Lonely.
Happy,somewhat.
But lonely.
 When you start talking about how insults can't get past your skin. And that's when they all start to seep in.
 And you're left there,thinking of every slight. Everytime they didn't do something. Everytime he did,but it was hurtful.
And you feel nothing but lonely.