Stop fighting.
For God's sakes, grow up and stop fighting, and stop avoiding each other too, when you're at it.
This is turning out to be one miserable, endless loop that I don't want to be stuck in.
I have send ups from Monday, dammit. And my brain is just stuck on today and its events.
This has got to stop. Something, someone has to give in. Make life better. God, I hate this.
And I don't hate alot of things. I like my life the way it is. I learn to live with almost anything. A friend said once "Tumhaari bardaasht bohat hai." Threshold high as hell.
But when it falls, it buries.
August 30, 2013
August 3, 2013
The final song.
Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, Before Midnight.
Movies are supposed to be good, not worthwhile. There's too much in our lives, in this generation, to deal with for a movie to impact us. But this trilogy did. This is not a movie review.
I never saw love as anything but a path leading to marriage. I won't call it naivete, I'll call it blindness. You love someone, not crazily, not obsessively, but deeply, down to the lowest trenches of your heart. You can feel depths volumize every word you speak to him. It all carries so much weight. He matters, means so much. You're calm but still. You're not. And you think I want this forever.
Marriage is a colossal collision. I loved saying that. It's red, blue, green, yellow paint all being thrown together and not caring whether you made a mess or a masterpiece. Kids, schedules, clash of timings, is the food ready, can we afford this, can you go pick them up today, I don't have time for this.
I don't want this forever.
I want to remember the good things, the sparks. I don't want to fall in the flames. I don't want to marry the one I love. Because it will ruin everything.
I think I just learned what acceptance feels like.
Movies are supposed to be good, not worthwhile. There's too much in our lives, in this generation, to deal with for a movie to impact us. But this trilogy did. This is not a movie review.
I never saw love as anything but a path leading to marriage. I won't call it naivete, I'll call it blindness. You love someone, not crazily, not obsessively, but deeply, down to the lowest trenches of your heart. You can feel depths volumize every word you speak to him. It all carries so much weight. He matters, means so much. You're calm but still. You're not. And you think I want this forever.
Marriage is a colossal collision. I loved saying that. It's red, blue, green, yellow paint all being thrown together and not caring whether you made a mess or a masterpiece. Kids, schedules, clash of timings, is the food ready, can we afford this, can you go pick them up today, I don't have time for this.
I don't want this forever.
I want to remember the good things, the sparks. I don't want to fall in the flames. I don't want to marry the one I love. Because it will ruin everything.
I think I just learned what acceptance feels like.
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