I am waiting for the day when this blank cyber sheet doesn't intimidate me. I think being a writer/blogger doesn't come to me naturally anymore.
I am becoming more and more of an introvert each day. I love wasting time on my phone, and I find myself switching between the same four basic apps that everyone has, and even after everything is checked, I go through Search to find something, anything. The analyst in me says I do this to avoid faxing the world, or facing reality (if we want to go that deep). I am going to make an active effort to stop doing this. Active effort in my brain, atleast.
Game of Thrones ftw.
I was remembering me several years ago. Who had the patience of a frikkin saint, Who would sit in Daewoo bus no. 10 for an hour to reach the stop, and then walk home in the broiling 45 degree heat. Where did she go? Patience has become thin in my life. I want it back, because that was a calmer part of me. Now I'm just restless, All the time.
Hmm. I am starting all my paragraphs with "I".
Today after a very long time I let music run through my veins and my body and let it sway me. E's car, Zephyr by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Muse. I felt like my younger self again and I loved it. Being in my own little music video and looking out the window, watching a Lahori night unfold in front of my eyes. Life feels older and harsher now. A change I knew would happen. But I want these younger moments to happen more and more, because there's a magic to them. Silly me didn't know she had magic in her all the time, and now a twenty something is desperately trying to find it again.
I asked him to be Superman, just for this week, this last week. Sigh. Leave him to his own devices.
In a rickshaw, on Monday afternoon, wearing my orange floral kurta, going to college to get my MSPE done, the hot air of Lahore made me think that I'll soon be touching and breathing American air. And then that feeling returned. American. Air. Fuck, I'm flying to America in a week. Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah for having this written in my plan.
Lahoreeeee what did you do? You made me go from a tween hating you, to an adult loving you. The attachment I have for this city is so. Suffocating. In the best way possible.
