Eid Mubarik.

First of all.

EID MUBARAK TO EVERYONE! 

:D

Look, it's plain and simple: Just wear your Eid clothes, look as pretty/handsome as you can, and visit every.relative's.house.that.you.have.ever.known.or.seen.or.spoken.to.or.just.looked.at.

And get a lot of Eidee. Because Eidee is fun. 

I can't wait for that.

Awake, once again, early. I'm starting to like this routine a lot. Waking up early. It gives you so much time to do a lot of things. Like studying. Which I should be doing right now instead of blogging (told you I'd bring the nagging back, didn't I?)

Kher. I know what I'm gonna buy with my Eidee. So I'm just waiting until I get it. Without getting dressed this morning, I went downstairs to Dad.

Me: DAD! *takes out hand in a bheeg-mangna state*

Dad: -_- Not right now.

Me:        :/         :(              :'(

I'm gonna get double from him now for all the money torture he caused me.

I hope you all are really happy this Eid day, and eat lots of sheer kurma (do you eat it? Or drink it? I don't know, but my mom makes the best) and mithai and don't be afraid to become a beggar if you have to.

But most at all, be together. Eid is always about family, religion, and unity.

Mid Adult Life Crisis.

So.

I'm awake at 11:30am today. A huge first for me, especially after sleeping at 6am. :D

I'm awesome that way. Oh yes.

But this doesn't go without reason. This is all for Embryology. It must be so shokha right now, thinking that I'd wake up early for it.

-.-

This is my 11:30am talk.

So, I've been online since then. 11:30am. You know how people can change their lives in an instant, resetting routines, changing habits? Yeah?

I'm not one of those people.

The aftereffects of Irene hit the place where H is living. And I had absolutely no clue, I didn't think it would go that far :/ they declared it emergency there. Alhamdulillah, everything is fine, he's fine, but it was a scare nevertheless.

I love how Eid shopping extends till almost 3am every night till Eid. Though to be honest, Ramadam has NOT been my strong point this year. I just felt every fast pass by me, to the extent for when we were eating Sehri this morning,and my Mom's like:

Mom: How exciting. Eid is either the day after or the day after that. Last roza today.

Me: 0_0 what?

I'm so out of it regarding Ramadan 2011. And I'll be fair to say that I didn't do anything extra or special. More religious people reading this will look down on me :( I love Allah I swear!

I bought adorable pumps yesterday while shopping at 2am. I like them. Now I want an Eid suit, a really pretty boutiqe designed one. How I wish that one of the problems was not money. Sigh.

Embryology beckons.

P.S Until the 22nd of September,most of my posts will be swamped and saturated with my constant nagging thoughts and randomies and reminders to get off Blogger and study this much and that much.

Not to put you off or anything.

I'm dreading the 1st.

I felt good yesterday. I always feel good when I get to complete my study goals. And General Anatomy is the easiest sub-subject of Anatomy. All that's important are the classifications. And some definitions. What I don't like is waking up every day at 3pm. I wish I would wake up earlier, so I could study more. Cuz I end up spending two hours awake when I'm lying down after Sehri. I COULD BE USING THAT TIME TO STUDY!

Anyway. Panic attacks are beginning in full mode. The slightest things are distracting, like the opening of a door or the moving of a page. I turn my phone off now during study. I prayed extra Nafl last night in Laylatul Qadr for Allah to help me get through this. This seems like the hardest phase I've ever had to go through.

I've never freaked out so much for exams. Never. Not during O Levels, or FSc. I get nervous, and somtimes scared, but not full out get-me-a-bag-I'm-hyperventilating scared. Like now :/ Allah, please help me.

On another note: I like the person I am. Meaning, I like how sensitive and emotional I can get, and how I feel through things, ad most importantly, I don't lie to myself. But nowadays, it seems like all I'm doing is lying to myself. I'm in a constant state of denial. I just simply DON'T want to deal with horrible things that come my way. Whereas there used to be a time where whatever came my way, I wouldn't do anything until and unless I solved it. Simple. Especialy difficult situations.

If you haven't guessed already, I'm talking about my relationship. About H.

But it's not related to relationships only. For everyone, as you grow older, you have less time to do the things you really want. And in the beginning, you might be trying to give time to the things that are important to you, or you might break down and cry and chuck your studies if something personal happened.

But now it's like ''Let's put it in a box and move on people. We have a test/meeting/deadline tomorrow.''

The most confusing part is, I don't know if that's a good change or a bad change.

It's definitely an inevitable change.

Then again, I'd rather be desensitized to my relationship than anything else. I just don't have it in me to bring a full out brawl everytime we have to discuss something. Discuss. Something I used to love to do, to help cler misunderstandings, and now something I clearly avoid, because of the time and energy it wastes. Change, much?

I don't talk about this with anybody. I didn't plan on writing this down either. I'm just writing whatever comes in my head.

Now it's time to post this up, put everything else besides study and aftaari and Glee in a box, and open up my General Anatomy book. Last chapter. Nervous system. And then I'll begin with Upper Limb. Uff.

Whoa.

I should be studying right now. I hate how I actually DON'T want to study. :/ I just want to sit online all day and go through blogs and update Facebook as much as needed.

Yes, I want to waste my time.

Okay,okay, I'm going to go study now. i really need to. Have to. It's necessary. I need to study to complete the course. I need to complete it so I can give a good paper. And then be rid of it and be free for another month where I can celebrate my birthday in peace and go to Islamabad and have fun. 

Now I'm just ranting.

Todays schedule: half of the Sole of Foot, Joints of Lower Limb, Arches, and the last half of General Anatomy. Deep breath. Okay let's go.

In Theory.

Hello.

The day I wrote my last blog post, my laptop crashed. I don't know what happened :/ I was plugging the charger in, but it wouldn't charge. And then I just used it until all the charging finished, and the laptop went into hibernation. I then proceeded to check what the problem was, by plugging and unplugging the charger. Apparently, when I plug the charger in, a weird blue light appears where the charging light should be, and then it turns red, and then it goes away altogether, all in mere seconds. Nothing charges, and nothing turns on. Anybody know what the problem could be? I don't know if it's in the charger or in the laptop. I wake up every morning with the intention to go to Hafeez Centre, (the electrical haven of Lahore basically), to get it fixed. But sadly, I really don't have enough time.

Studies have taken over me.

 

O_O

I have to study. Alot. Send ups are on their way. The first one is on 5th September, Anatomy. Which is comprised of 4 sub-subjects. And I haven't even finished one yet (I will today though. Histo. Thank God that'll be over with).

I'm more scared of these exams than I've been of anything else. I'm serious. I haven't been scared of any other exam, more than these upcoming ones. At times, I am in a mind frame where I think ''Oh, it's easy, just study a good amount every day, and the course will be finished'', and there are other days where I'm freaking out (''OH MY GOD I CAN NEVER DO THIS I'M GONNA FAIL AND GET KICKED OUT AND THEN MY PARENTS WILL KILL ME AND FRY ME IN OIL!''). 

So yeah. A lot of tension.

Oh, just so you know, the laptop still isn't fixed, I'm on my brother's PC. I hate PC's. They'r so old fashioned to us laptop users. I just feel that way. Don't hate, appreciate. It mostly sucks for me not having a laptop, because I haven't been able to properly skype with H, who's still in America. 

But then again, if I had the laptop and I could skype, I would get distracted really easily and wouldn't study as much as I am now. God works in mysterious ways  0_0

So, blog posts will be scarce until the send ups are over basically. If not scarce, then definitely shortened. :( I'm sad too. I like blogging. It lets me talk. As much as I want. No friend allows that.

So, since I can't jabber on as much as I want, I'll just drop some little hints updating life.

1.My brother, 16 years old, little kid, went to America. ALONE. :/ :( He left last Friday. For high school, and to stay there until my family joins him next year inshAllah. He's really happy, and we're all really sad. Even though there's one less person in the house, it's taken quite an eery turn. Everything is so quiet at home, with just three daughters and two parents. My brother cranked things up, made them loud. I know that now. Lol.

2.Mom is feeling much better, mashAllah :) And we are taking routine trips to the doctor. Plese, ardently, remember her in your prayers. I ask for no du'a for me, but please pray for her foot to be completely healed and her diabetes sugar level to be normal.

Okay. There is a lot more in my life to update, but...I have to go study now.

._.

Aaah. Study. Okay, get in the mode. *puts on hardened face and plays strategy music in the background*

Iloveyouall!

I hate my hand. But I love that ring, oh yes I do.