Potterfreak.

POTTER OVER TWILIGHT ANY DAY.

This will now be a rant on why I love Harry Potter and why I dislike Twilight.

And how I will immediately lower my liking for you if you claim to like both. You just can't You're weird then.

Harry Potter...is amazing. (I'm more articulate when it comes to hating.) 7 amazing books, and even though the story might be a little cheesy and corny at times, it was a basic theme (good over evil) dazzled in magic. And it taught loads of things: bravery, courage, selflessness.

The first point I have to raise is HOW can anyone compare 3 Twilight books with 7 HP ones? That just isn't fair. More books, you're the winner. Because it's a much better explained story.

Before my laptop crashed this summer, I wrote a post saying that I was going to go see the last HP7 part in theatres. I did. It was frikkin awesome. You can't beat that. STEPHANIE MEYER, CAN YOU HEAR ME?

And what's Twilight about? Vampires. Hm. And about Bella being in love with one, and how she can't live without him. Well. Forgive me if this sounds like a normal soppy romance on the way. (Oh wait! It is.)

I tried watching Twilight once. First of all, everything was always either blue or black. The sky, the house, the environment. That turned me off. Secondly, Bella looked sleepy half the time. And it just seemed like a downer movie. Nothing was fun, or interesting. There was no humor. I was just gaping at the screen, and then turned it off. Never watched it again. I never even tried. 

Okay, I just realized that this is making me sound like a Twlight hater. Oops. 

Let me straighten this. Twilight is a series. A 3 part series. Just like millions of 3 part series out there. Maybe if I had given it a chance, I would've come to enjoy it. Reading the books, I mean. And to me, Twlight is like one of those series that you read, you like, you recommend, and move on. It doesn't seem like it should impact anybody (like it does).

What really drives me over the edge is when people compare Harry Potter with Twlight. Seriously?

IT IS INCOMPARABLE. You're comparing 7 series of books that began in 1993 and ended in 2010, with a 3 part series that was probably complete in 3 years max? 

You just can't. How can you? :/

Anyway.

I will always be the girl who, when she sees Robert Pattison, she'll scream ''Cedric!'' instead of Edward.

And will love Severus Snape with everything ever. He is so awesome. 

What about you? Potterhead or Twlightian? I won't judge. I love my followers. :)

Dream Diary.

I woke up about 50 minutes ago, and I had the weirdest dream.

It was like, the beginning of a horror movie. Mom, me, and my other two sisters were in it. We were going by walk to a bazaar to sell my mom's jewelry to pay for going to America. Surprisingly, she was happy about it. On the way, we came to H1's (my youngest sister) school, and the guard outside said to come in,Mrs. Bushra (her principal) was expecting us. We didn't wanna get late, so we said no. But they insisted, so then we said okay. The school had completely changed. The floor had nice, shiny granite tiles, and the bathrooms were made of pink marble, even the toilets. When we first saw the principal, she had her head down on the desk, which I found odd. But when we came, she woke up and talked to us about Haley's progress in school and stuff. She was saying stupid things like ''she couldn't even make a gulab jamun'', and ''she can count all the way to thirty now.'' :s Like, things that were way above and beyond or below her class standard. So anyway, after a while, Mom then said we had to go sell the gold. The principal looked at Mom and said ''It's dark now, the bazaar will be closed'', and she was smiling. Then my mom started yelling really loudly, and I could hear in her voice that she was about to cry. She was saying ''You knew I had to go to the jewellers before nightfall, you deliberately kept me here to waste my time,'' and the principal said ''Lower your voice'', and from somewhere, I even heard my dad saying it.  So we huffed out, and it was turning dark rapidly. We decided to go and check the bazaar anyway, just in case any jeweller shop was open. The road was a gorgeous, slightly winding wide road with spreading trees on either side. And on top of a small hill, I saw my dad, sitting cross legged, getting a chop massage from some man. I lagged behind Mom, and looked up to my Dad, and told him that all of us were going to the bazaar. He nodded. So I started walking to the bazaar. I was alone at this point, because everyone went ahead of me. 

Then out of nowhere, I heard my mom scream, questioningly. ''This isn't the bazaar. This is a strange kind of jewellers. We shouldn't have come. We made a mistake.'' And my sisters were screaming in the background. From the moment my mom had begun talking, I begun to run. Really fast. It was pitch black now, and suddenly a swithcblade appeared in my hand. And then I turned the corner that led to the bazaar, where I heard their voices were coming from, and the entire half circle entryway was ablaze. And I was staring at it. And then, in font, it said in the centre of the blaze, ''The Evil C''. Like this was a horror movie. 

I woke up then. At 2:38pm. This dream (er..nightmare) was so perfectly coordinated, it's not even a joke. What does this mean?!

It was weird waking up from a pitch black nightmare, to stare into sunlight through your window. Very, very comforting though.

I'm gonna go have these things called ''ladoo pithian'' (that's a random hazard guess at spelling) and maybe omelet, and then start study. Cuz I have to. For some reason, I'm excited about study today. In my heart. It's weird. Ab koi nazar naa lagaa dein, khuda k waste.

P.S I ended up watching both Masterchef and Criminal Minds again yesterday. It's impossible to study when I know the shows are on. I'll struggle again today.

P.P.S  I have too much of an overanalytical mind and I wish it wasn't so. Cuz I think I'm not on top anymore. So I don't feel amazing.

Break the Habit.

God, TV shows are way too addicting. I'm starting to feel extremely pathetic for watching them. I mean, I know who wins in Masterchef Australia, and yet I still watch? Why? Why?

I know why.

Cuz of the food.

It looks so delicious. And I hate it when the judges are tasting it.

And Criminal Minds...I wanted to watch it until Emily Prentiss met up with Ian Doyle and to see the final confrontation. So I did, yesterday. And yet, I almost STILL watched today's episode, before catching myself after 20 minutes and forcing myself to study.

I've had a chocolate craving for a week now. I need something chocolatey after dinner. Yesterday was a Cadbury bar. The few days before that was Feast ice cream. Today I had to settle with halwa. Desi. :/

Whimsical resolution: I will not watch Masterchef tomorrow, or Criminal Minds, or any other show. Done.

Studying is just...going. It's not where I want it to be. I want to focus my whole day on it. But I'm barely putting in more than 4 or 5 hours. It's cuz of the curse of the TV shows. 

I want a new phone so bad. But then A told me that it's better not to have it for now, since profs are coming up.And with a new phone, I'll just be manically taking pictures and putting in music and what-not.

(Nobody will understand this. But I need to write it down.) I've gained control. I'm back on top. And honestly? It feels amazing.

Randomie (s) #2

• I put words in other people's mouths. All the time. I have to stop that habit.

• FSc was a huge transition in my life. Not just a stepping stone, like it is for most people. My college experience made me who I am today. Those 2 years were the point where I changed myself. Actively and passively. Some I made an effort, some just happened. Different friends, different ideology, different people. I tarted focusing more on study, I started solidifying a career for myself. So, it wasn't just 2 years of education. It was an actual transition.

• I wonder how deep my words affect him. I wonder how often he remembers me and thinks of me. I wish I knew. I really do.

• Even though I talk a lot (and I'm an introvert for the most part, so that's really weird), I start to dislike it when I've talked for about 80% of the entire conversation, and the person is just calmly listening to me. Bless them. I have to learn to listen more and stop competing for air time.

• A friend of mine told me to read Durud Shareef a hundred times before sleeping to sleep peacefully. And for me to stop having panic attacks. It worked like a charm. Planning on incorporating that into my life. :)

•  My brother wants an ear piercing. He's serious. :/ In the process of convincing him out of it.

•  I just had a cutlet and cheddar cheese grilled sandwich with ketchup. I feel ALIVE! Good food = happy mood. Always. 

• I'm going to write about my interesting moments as much as I can. My life is not as boring and study filled as it seems. 

My favorite bro-tip.

Stretching Like a Cat.

My sleeping schedule has been cured (I think) in the weirdest way.

I sleep for 12 hours (for about a month now)and wake up tired and dredgy and groggy, and it stays that way the entire day.

But I sleep for 5 hours, and I'm as fresh as a coffee bean? 

Weird. So anyway. Yeah, slept at 4, woke at 9, been awake ever since. I had to go the get my past papers and gives some money to the bank for my sister's fees, but then I realized that today the bank is closed. I'm not stupid or anything, they ONLY just announced that Saurday is an official holiday here. For banks. Great. So I had a really nice and quiet breakfast of French toast and orange juice. It felt nice. To eat breakfast after what seems like an eternity. And in peace and quiet.

Yesterday me and my mom went to do some small scale grocery shopping. I bought my most awaited item: CHEESE. Cuz I'm gonna make lasagna today! :D

I've never made it before, but I know all the elements. This is gonna be exciting!

Italian food is love. I'm serious.

And yes, I still plan on getting some studying done after the making of the Italian dish. Geez.

Besides that, nothing to look forward to in my day, I'm not really supposed to look forward to anything except my professionals. And the fact that I have to start studying extra seriously. So far I'm only studying about 3 hours a day, because I wanna watch Masterchef Australia and Criminal Minds. So that just ruins my whole day right there.

I wanna be in 2nd year M.B.B.S sooo bad.

Launch Code.

Made a new schedule today that incorporates as much of study as possible.

It begins tomorrow.

Tummy feels better. Health is more or less, back on track.

I plan on sleeping early tonight.

Doomsday is Nov.22nd.

THE PREP BEGINS.

(P.S Wish me luck!)

Mystifying.

It's that time of the year again.

I was just rapt while watching Live Hajj on TV. Just now.

Those lucky people.

This is an experience I am dying to live. Religion all around you, people just as dedicated and devoted. The Ahram, the Kaabah, the two cities. The forty days.

Lucky Mehreen!

I wanna go. My heart is yearning.

Vulnerabililty.

Okay NO.

SHIT IS NOT WORKING OUT.

I slept for a full 12 hours last night. 3am to 3pm. And I woke up with a pounding headache and a body that just refused to unstiffen. I mean, what the hell? Whatever happened to fresh early mornings, where you feel all relaxed and awake?

And I don't want to take a shower, because the water heater's temperature needle is broken, so Dad is not turning it on, and winters have already begun, and it's cold. Not REALLY cold, but cold enough that I want hot water. I'm a huge nakhre wali. Fulfill my nakhre.

I cannot study until everything is just right. Until I've eaten, and I've showered, and most importantly, I've rested. 

I tried studying today. Physicochemical properties of Biochem. Easiest chapter of the whole subject. But I never got round to studying it before, so I figured I'd just give it a look through in these holidays. Biochem is totally the kind of subject that you can study for a few days before the exam, you don't need to go all ninja and study weeks in advance, like you need to do for Physio and Anatomy. Or is that just how I think? :/ I don't know. I've been in touch with the subject the whole year, so it seems really do-able. 

I AM NOT FREAKIN OUT AT ALL ABOUT PROFS. AND THAT IS FREAKIN ME OUT. 

I have a schedule and everything, I'm just not following it. I need to hit my head. I need motivation. I need an Oreo cupcake.

A part of me (the control freak part) keeps on telling myself that I will go into full panic-study-motivation mode when it's the proper time. But the other part is saying that I have all this time on my hands, WHAT DO I DO WITH IT?! The internet gets boring after awhile. And TV is very limited. I'm broke as hell. And all the friends I want to hang out with are busy. So do I keep on making stupid schedules and then not even following them? Ugh. I feel lost, confused, disoriented. It's a feeling I'm not used to, nor do I like. It makes me feel ew. 

First things first: I gotta get my sleeping schedule back on track. I have to sleep for about 9 hours a day, MAX. And sleep at the proper times too. Once that's settled, and I stop waking up with pounding headaches, then I can study properly again. So I'll just wait for that.

Ending this with an amazing quote I heard yesterday.

''When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable.
~ Madeleine L'Engle

Pizzafest.

I won a free personal pan pizza and drink from Domino's! (which I'll go and collect tomorrow, because...)

I had a Domino's pizza today anyway! (it was Jumbo size. Oooh, so big.)

I'm getting too happy about these things. :/  (Seriously. This is just sad.)

I completely intended to study today.Really really. Schedule made and everything. But I woke up at 3:30pm. And then my dad wasn't feeling well, so we went to the hospital. It was scary for awhile. But alhmadulillah, he's alright now. Sleeping :)

It's always scary when one of your parents are ill. Most of us have been grown up to always expect them there. And when they're not, it's like a huge emptyness in your stomach. I don't know what  would do without my parents.

Doritos are like 55 rupees in Pakistan :O Rip off much? 

I need to seriously get up and start doing things for myself, and start sleeping less. I sleep a lot. Just because I know I can. Lol. Regardless of my whole studying frenzy and organizing control freak nature, I'm a lazy person by heart. I don't feel any remorse laying in bed all day. It feels AWESOME.

I wish the Harry Potter series didn't end. And I wish more that I would start taking the Profs seriously. Because I'm just not feeling the pressure right now. Nor do I feel like changing my routine to start studying. I love relaxing.

They eliminated Mat from Masterchef Australia for no reason. :( I swear, about 58% of me only watched that show for him. He's so cute! So what if he used a personal phone? You don't eliminate someone for that reason. Just...disqualify him for a challenge or something. Ratings are gonna go dowwwn.

I'm still gonna watch the show though. :P

Tell me you don't want this.

Eat chocolate. They release endorphins and make you happy. FACT.

Understatement.

What is happening right now is EXACTLY what I thought would be happening. Because of the exams being delayed, I have gone into ultra-lazy mode. Wake up late. Like 3pm. Do nothing but watch TV and go online all day. And even though I enjoy it for a little while, I start getting really pissed off at myself. I want to be more productive! Ugh. :/

That's it. After this blog post, I'm going to make a spankin brand new schedule for my studies. And actually follow it.

Fave cousin W came over last weekend from Islamabad! That was really nice. A good surprise, and I know me and him get along more than others. We barely get to see each other anymore, because of conflicting schedules, him with his job, me with my MBBS degree, and so it was lots of talk. So much talk in fact, that even when we were settling down to get some sleep, we somehow grabbd hold of some random topic, starting talking, and....it went up till 10 AM. Yes. We didn't sleep that night. We had pizza :D And pizza always tastes good after midnight.

Yeah, okay. So besides that, Mom has been feeling a little under the weather. So we're doing all that we can to help her feel better and to take the burden of the house off of her. I still have yet to make cookies, which I'm dying to do. I think I'll do that tomorrow. Cookies taste so good, especially Betty Crocker ones. 

All the ''used to'' stuff I had to do while H was in the States, it worked so well for awhile. It really did. It meant that I couldn't feel, I wouldn't let myself feel, but atleast I wasn't hurt, or things didn't strike me and resonate within me for days. That's what I wanted to avoid, and I wanted to focus harder on the better things in life, on things that were guaranteed to happen. The only part I missed about hiding myself was that I couldn't feel true happiness anymore. But it was a small price to pay for preventing yourself getting hurt.

I'm probably just rambling on and you don't understand what I'm saying. Let it be known now though, that the wall has been struck, it has broken down over the course of two nights,completely, and now it's all rubble and I'm thoroughly vulnerable. Today has been the worst day in months for me. Waking up with only one thought, spending the first hours awake lost in thought, lost in ''what-ifs'' and wonderings. The only way I could fix myself was to write it all down so that they could be contained in something else. My cellphone, in this case. And just make a conscious effort to DISTRACT. Watch TV, go online, change my blog layout. I need to remind myself constantly, over and over again, that a relationship is NOT the end of the world, there is a bigger picture, a bigger life, and his words shouldn't have the effect that they do. 

They had an effect today that rang throughout every inch of my body, and wouldn't allow me to live my day. I don't want him to have that control over me. He shouldn't. It's not his right. I have control over me, I get to decide how I feel. And at this moment, I am ardently wishing I go back to my concrete building-a-wall stage.

This is starting to become a weepy blog again, all about H. Anyway. Just writing it all out and thinking that I can share it to someone is helping. Whereas the truth is, I don't like sharing all these details with people I know. They shouldn't know so much about my personal life. I don't think anyone should know so much about someone else's life. Doesn't everyone have enough problems of their own? 

• I need to start prayer again.
• I need to stop watching so much TV. Besides, Criminal Minds is really starting to gross me out.
• I need to start eating right, and start making it more of a priority.  
• I need to become a stronger person again, for myself.

 

 

But this does not mean my life is completely down the drain. I am not trained to be that ungrateful. My parents are not fighting, and every day they don't fight is another day where I look up and thank God. They have clashing personalities, see. But as I write this, they are laughing right now. I am also alive. And these two things should be enough, I'm guessing.

What do I have to look forward to. The profs. As long as my preparation is really good, I will be excited to give these exams. Only 6 weeks till the first paper, and I really need to do well. I'm being lazy for no reason, and instead of wasting all these days, I could make a schedule and start studying already. 

I can hear Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan in the background. Legend. 

I bet you didn't know this:

Have an awesome day/night, and be happy, hm?

Play along.

You expect me to leave you.

And I expect you to not follow.

Isn't that an indication of how weak this relationship has become?

That whenever we undergo discussions, we always turn out making it more complicated than it really is, and not finding a solution at all?

Deadness gone. Feelings back in full force. And I'm hating it.

Stop for a second.

''FINALLY! Somebody who gets that love isn't SUPPOSED to be an obsession, an all consuming thing that makes you forget the entire world. Love is a part, ONE PART. You also have friends, family, TV, internet, studying, all nighters watching movies. Because a person's life is supposed to be made up of everything. It's against human nature to only have one thing to live for. You know what's living? Plunging to the depths of your emotions, feeling everything they way it should, and being able to balance it all out. It's all about crying, loving, sharing, screaming, laughing, smiling. I'm dead in life too nowadays. I need to live in its present continuous form. I miss myself. As you can see.''

This is a comment I posted in response to another blog. How come the best advice for myself comes when I'm talking to someone else?

Mixed Feelings.

So, my whole strategy theme for studying. You know. Going all crazy, making super tight schedules, studying ALOT. And I really was, I had already got done with about 9 chapters of Physio. And about a fifth of a chapter of Islamiat.

No point in going crazy now. Because it's been officially announced that first year professional exams have been delayed. 

Half my college mates are rejoicing. Half are groaning. Me? I'm just...in the middle, kind of. I like that I have more time to study, and get everything prepared in a better way. Meaning inshAllah, my papers will go really good, so long as I study as much as I can and don't slack off (like I'm slacking off right now.) But this means another added month of tension, and also, second year classes are going to start late, and we wont get this many holidays for second year when we'll really REALLY need it.

Future Randomhyper can worry about that, I guess. For now, I'm going to make a schedule, and then kick back for a couple of days.

I noticed that if I don't have a schedule for the day, like to go to college or to study, then I basically don't eat anything until I absolutely have to. Like, I starve myself and do other things first: like go online. That is bad. 

I'm eating my iron tablets though. So I won't be anemic. YAY! :D

I set an alarm for Fajr this morning. And did the intention to pray before I slept too. I woke up...and shut the alarm. I couldn't get the strength to get out of bed. I'm gonna try it again tonight though.

I've been online for approximately 8364669 hours, and I really need to get off, because it is dulling my brain, and I feel like a huge fat sack of potatoes, completely useless.

H's father had an accident, which caused him to collapse and hit his head, and he lost a lot of blood. He's stable now, thank God. Prayers are much, much needed. 

I miss my brother. He's got so much going on in his life right now, with being in a new country. Like a new school, work, friends, people, experiences. Sometimes hearing about him and his, mashAllah good life makes me hate what I'm doing. Because even though MBBS secures your future, it basically limits you from doing anything else. You can't go for vacations. You can't waste too much time. You can't enjoy the holidays you have off, because there is a test/practical/viva waiting on the other corner.

I want to go to New York. I want to go to LA. Oh, that reminds me. I had a dream about going to LA this afternoon. It was amazing. Hollaywood. I wanna go. And shop a lot. And stay at a 5 star hotel. And travel business class. God, I have so many ambitions. 

H got me mac and cheese from America. Might sound stupid to you, but I love love mac and cheese. Especially Kraft Mac and Cheese. He got me more stuff, but I ate it all. Hehe. I'm gonna make mac and cheese tomorrow. That's my plan.

I'm gonna go do something that doesn't require me sitting down all the time. Then I'm gonna go watch Masterchef Australia on Star World. Even though I know who's gonna win.

Geek.

Okay, so today was officially my last day of goofing around, laughing, and wasting my time.

My professional exams are exactly 21 days away. Same as my age :D But okay, back to being serious. 0_0

I made a schedule. In which Biochem is not included. I think I'm just hoping that somehow, in the 2 days that I have off between the paper for Physio and Biochem, I'll get all of the Biochem course done. I hope. I have to give thee papers my all, there's no point in goofing around. These exams are the end of first year, and I won't get another chance to do them well again. So I have to focus, focus, focus. Absolutely, completely. Send ups were NOTHING compared to this. Now is the time to be scared. 

I'm not like, VERY scared right now, but I hope the fear will increase as time goes by. And I'm going to fix my sleeping schedule, and my eating habits, and start praying regularly (inshAllah for all three) and of course, inevitably, blog less. Lol.

People have already started studying before me. They've started studying since the day they got off from practicals and vivas. Dude, I just can't do that :/ I need time to rest and relax. And I've been eating A LOT nowadays. Everytime there's food on the table somewhere, I grab it and stuff myself. Which accounts for my high hemoglobin. :D yay. I'm glad I'm not anemic. Cuz I normally am.

THE ELECTRICITY IS GOING OUT EVERY 40 MINUTES. This is not a joke. By my dad's calculations, the power was on for a total of 6 hours today. 6 hours. Out of 24. Meaning for 18 hours, we were without power. It's utter madness. When I was coming home from a friend's sister's wedding today, I saw a protest happening at a grid station. Well, it was less of a protest and more of a fight. People were throwing things at the station. So this country is really fed up at the moment.

Okay, the electricity went and just came back. After 5 minutes. Thank God. We need the UPS to charge, so that it can run when the power is out. This has been happening all over the country for about a week now. Sigh. 

Life is going good. And no matter how bad it can get, someone, somewhere, is having a worse life. So always be thankful for what you have, and what evil you've been saved from. You could never thank Him enough.