This year...oh this year.
I do not want to come off as overly cynical and say this was a bad year, nay, the worst year I have experiences in all my 26 years of living (I said it, didn't I) but it was. Four to five major highlights and the lows were worse than the highs. The first half of the year sped up like it was trying to catch a train and the second half was so drawn out, so agonizing, as if to make me feel every second of 2016.
2016 was about mindset changes, about realizations, and most importantly about losing.
About losing someone that I thought would always be there.
If anyone out there needs reminding: ACTIONS count more than words.
If you need an example, always use mine: I was with a man for eight years who promised he would marry me, and he left. He told me he was a man of his word, that he never makes promises lightly, and that made me trust him more than anything else could. But they were only things he said; in retrospect, he didn't do anything to uphold that promise. And if I questioned it, it was pushed away. "I don't want to talk about this tonight". Tonight turned into the three years, the end of which I was holding a medical degree in my hand and a suitcase in the other, ready for the next stage of my life. And his feet were rooted and unwilling.
The moving on is currently happening, the moving on is tough. I do not wish him the best, I do not wish him happiness. Not yet. Let the anger and resentment flow for awhile. It's only been three months since. It all takes its own time, and you can't compare your struggle with anyone else's. So just let it be and let it flow.
Other than that. Graduation. Karachi. Coming to the United States. Good Charlotte. YES. Things happened. They made me insanely happy. And that's what it's about. Small joys.
Believe in the power of now, and small joys.
Oh, something else I learned, and even though it was a hard lesson, I loved learning it.
My worst fears came true, and I did not die.
I did not break and contemplate suicide, I did not wither away, I did not hide. I wore it on my face and I trudged on. Some days, I felt like I was submerged under water. Others, I was high.
Rock bottom didn't feel like total dark rock bottom to me. I'm thinking because it was that innate sense of being human, that led me to survive. Survival mode, A calls it. Survival mode is a part of us, and it is so important.
So, 2017, bring it on.
