Alright.
Let's declutter.
Let's blow the dust off this blog.
I confess, I've been avoiding this blog. I just couldn't organize my thoughts/feelings and process them in a way that they would make enough sense to be read. But I'm going to give it another try.
I thought turning 20/21 would automatically get you a ticket into the world of adulthood. People will look at you differently, have a newfound respect for you, give you authority...and for me, it was all that. I was allowed more things, let off of more things, all because I kept my head down and my grades good and 80% of my life was about med school. As years went by, and I delved deeper into my 20s, I realized...I didn't deserve it. Nobody can say that once you turn 20, you're an adult right there and then. To be an adult, it has to be earned. Your 20 is different from someone else's 20. At your 20 you may have had both parents, who paid your tuition, a loving home, and full on stability, whereas in some other corner of the world, someone else's 20 is one parent, no schooling because they cannot afford tuition, and they instead work all day and all night for measly wages. Are these the same 20?
I am now a firm believer in "Age is only a number". It's sad that mental and emotional capacities, as well as strength, cannot be reflected in our faces and our ages.
I was not an adult before this. I was not an adult before July 2015. Before my family left for the States. Before I didn't have a home. Before my sister was a mother. I was, in essence, a spoiled older kid. And now all this instability and life events are like fireworks in my face. I'm living out of bags? I have a niece? Everyone gives me comfort by saying Oh, but it's only a few months. Then you'll be joining the States with your family. Okay, that's all true. But let me see this adult thing through first. Damn, I'm 24. Going to be 25 in a few days.
When we were younger, all we thought was We can't wait to be adults, when our lives will be sorted out and there will certainty in everything.
There is no certainty. We are still as confused as we were before. Which now leads me to believe that we will be just as confused till our end. Which is okay, but it takes time to accept. The good thing is, everybody is doing this with us.
Life feels more and more like a test and a game each day.
This is what is going on in one part of my mind. More later.
