At the receiving end.

I was supposed to go to Maha's house today, to have a gathering to read the Quran. It was for her mother, to pray for Allah to forgive her, and forgive all of us.

I didn't go.

Don't ask why. Even I don't know.

It was at 10am on a Sunday morning, I set an alarm and everything, but I didn't go.

Sarah even asked me to come over to her place so we could study together. I didn't go.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm not exactly down, but I am very anti social. I'm not in the mood to socialize right now. I'm definitely in the mood to go to college though, and give tests, and have fun with loads of people by talking, laughing, sharing. 

I'm just in that mood where I don't want to do anything. I don't even know why I'm writing this blog post.

For the first time in over a week, I saved a draft in my phone (remember drafts? The stuff I want to say to H but I can't,or don't). But I do not want to share it. It is way too personal and raw. The reason for my telling you this is because I wanted to tell myself that I've started becoming emotional again.

Not being emotional and being detached and mature is really hard. There's nothing that ever makes you truly happy, nothing that touches your soul. Though I hated my vulnerable outbursts and bouts of bawling at times, I loved that things affected me the way they did. I even liked worrying sometimes, because it meant that that person or thing mattered so much to me. 

And now I box it up and put it all away, to deal with later because I don't have the emotional capacity nor the time to do it now. I sometimes wonder what could've caused such a deep change in me.

On a pleasant note, it snowed in Lahore yesterday! :D THAT is exciting, because we don't get any snow. It actually started off as hail, and then laster turned to snow. I didn't get to see any of it, because I was too afraid of the hailstones hitting my head, lol. It was literally an ''hour in Lahore's history'', and I'm so sorry I missed it.

So anyway, I have a Physiology test tomorrow, and I still have loads to study for it. I hope it goes well. Oh! Remember that third substage? I got 36 out of 50 :D I was very happy. And the Biochem viva I was freaking out on, thinking I would barely pass, like only get 10 out of 25 or something, I got 15. Academically, life is good. FJ is giving me a chance to feel like I actually deserve to be here.

Thanks for reading :)