Right Angle.

I've made a split second decision: I'm not going to start the New Year without letting H know about how I really feel. I plan on simply showing him the post.
2012 should begin raw and open, with everything scattered, and everything known. With time to give, more decisions to make, and solutions to find. I'm getting so sick and tired of wasting my time just sitting on my bed, when I can just call him and tell him to drop what he's doing and listen to me.
If my voice is strong enough, I know he'd listen. I just haven't strengthened my voice yet. But I will now. No amount of force can make your voice reverberate. It only happens by ''feeling.''

Sometimes, I wish people would chuck all their fact-based logic and practicality out the window. There's nothing wrong with being realistic. But for God's sake, if you can't feel, what are you doing alive? Cry, scream, laugh, think, think so much that you can make ideas out of words, create memories out of buildings, plan meetings just by looking at a tablecloth, at a lamp. Make conversations endless, make 3 hour phone calls seem like 20 minutes, be enthusiastic, don't look back and regret that you spent too much time talking, be happy that you had more life in you than the person you were talking to.

You love someone, and you're tired? Drink a cup of coffee to stay up and talk to her. You haven't seen her in awhile? Plan something ahead, and make sure nothing clashes with that plan. You see her sad? Surprise her. This is not hard to do, this is not written in any book, because it's just KNOWN. Just like women know to have a hot meal ready for their men when they come home from work, and not to bother them about mundane things when they're tired. Where in the world did chivalry go?

No matter where mine and H's conversations lead after I let it all out, I'm not going to kill myself again and go back to just not caring. Something has got to give. And I've already given.

It is getting very cold, to the point where even the afternoons are chilly. But when I sit in front of a heater, my head starts to hurt. Good old blanket, then. A hot shower doesn't even feel enticing right now. I better start getting my act back up again, and focus on the more important things. First substage of 2nd year Anatomy is coming up on the 7th. Head and Neck. I skimmed through the books today, and made a few diagrams, but nothing concrete. InshAllah tomorrow.

Have a good night. :)