Recollection.

Today was a productive day.

I'm glad. I hate those days where all I do is sit in front of the TV or laptop. It makes me feel like my brain is actually rotting inside my skull.

And then when I get up after awhile, I feel really lazy and sometimes my shoulder muscles hurt. Alot. Does that happen to anyone else?

Or are you all staring at this post like ''ookay, this girl is WEIRD''?

So, major news before the day even began properly:

H has left for the States.

I am sad. And I've thought about little else but him today. 

But you know what? Judging my reaction to the whole situation, I realized how much I truly have grown through all these years. Particularly this last year.

September 2010-July 2011.

I can feel this...feeling. That's telling me that I don't need to cry, and that me and him will keep contact, and to be strong through all of this. To not let it get to me. He might be in another country, but what we feel hasn't changed even slightly. We still love and care about each other, and being apart will make me run and go crazy when I see him again in September :)

What would one call this? Maturity? Growth? Progression? Clarity? I don't know. But feeling this way has made me realize some things.

People think that if there's no romance and affection and passionate nights and wild fights, there's no love. People think that, once you get out of that ''honeymoon'' period, the result is just boredom, and monotony, and both parties are ready to move on.

What they don't get is that AFTER the honeymoon period begins the real part. The 'smooth road' part.

Everything has to normalize. I mean, you don't wake up every morning and get excited that you have a mother and father, do you? You've lived with them your whole life. You love them, and respect them, and sometimes, even take them for granted. 

But the love you have for them...it's deeply rooted. Like, you know you don't want to see them in pain. You'll honestly give up anything in your life to make them happy. And that's real, true love.

And in the beginning of a relationship, it's happiness without borders. You both are expressing love, showering each other with gifts, finding out new things. One day, you'll both have to go back to your lives, your jobs, your careers. That doesn't mean the love is over. On the contrary. THAT is what lays the foundation of deepening your love. Of forming that ''deeply rooted'' love. The kind you have for your parents.

I know I sound like a physchologist or something, lol. But I didn't read this anywhere or take this advice from someone. I lived it. I went through it. I went through believing that my love was over, I've been through moments of doubt, confusion, weakness, fear. And yet,I came out of it. And now, mine and H's love might not be fiery passionate or extremely romantic, but I can think of him, think of what he says to me, and what we mean to each other, and smile. Smile in my classroom, or a crowded bus. 

I don't need butterflies in my stomach or my heart to race or anything else to happen. It's not supposed to keep on happening, even when you're both 60. It's the first phase. And the second phase is the settling down phase.

And for anyone out there who's in a relationship. Trust me. It's harder than you think. And you'll only make it if you really, in your heart, care for him/her and want her to be happy and most of all, want to be with her.

I'm giving this sermon (lol) because today (my productive day) I was cleaning out my bottom drawer. The thieves messed it up when they came. That drawer had all of my previous journals and keepsakes and scrapbook material.

Memories, in physical form.

I've been journal writing since I was 15. And I've already filled up 7 journals, believe it or not. I still have one that's 3/4 empty, which I'll get back to if I ever get bored of Blogger. Lol. But I've always been inquisitive, and poignant, and an EXTREME overanalyst, so I liked writing all my thoughts down so that they could get out of me and I could solve my problems with myself on paper. 

Anyway.

I was cleaning it, and then I got to reading it.

It was some entries for when me and H were going through that second phase.

I whined and bitched about it, totally. In those entries, I acted like a pompous princess who needed to get her way and refused to believe that the honeymoon period was over.

And with each entry, the tone and the words got more mellower.

And then, I accepted it.

And then revelled in it.

And then there's a huge gap between November 2010 and January 2011 (I joined Blogger).

But in January 2011, I had added some questions that I needed to ask him.

I still go through some of those ''fits'', but overall, I've become a much more rounded and wholesome person. I don't look at just us anymore; I look at the whole picture, our families, our careers, our lives.

Being in a relationship doesn't mean making everything between you two perfect only. It means balancing everything, your family, your job, your goals, your life, and allowing them to collide at just the right moment so that the timing is right.

...

You can basically tell I miss him very much. LoL.

Okay, productive day., Let's see. I woke at a respectable vacation time (1:30pm) and till 6, I helped my mom with everything. I cleaned out my room, changed my bedsheets (which my sister ruined with chocolate milkshake only a little while later...but fixed herself) and best part: I made veggie noodles! I wish I could make more than that, cooking is so much fun sometimes. But sadly, my little sister is the kitchen expert. I'm just the foodie. 

They were reeeally good. I'm having some right now, actually. And then after that...I've been free. So I decided to come online and track H's flight on flightstats.com. As of right now, he is 2990 miles away from JFK airport. *sigh*

And a million miles away from me.

I'm acting like he's gone to war or something. Lol. 

Everything will be fine. I can't wait to talk to him on the phone. :D

I'm a HUGE Glee fan. Are you?

Season 2 is on, 10:30 tonight. Yay!

It feels good to be alive today. :)