13 hours ago.

This is mostly a reply to the comments I got on the last post, since it would take a super long time to comment individually and also, most of you had the same question and the same advice (btw, thank you so much for that!)

Here is a direct link to the smoking post. In there I wrote not only my own views about smoking, but my views related to H as well. About how I found out and what I felt. And ever link will redirect to the introductory page, you'll have to click on the picture of the book on the left to get to the post :)

I have told him how I felt about it, all the time. Just last night, when I found out, I wrote a very lengthy reply, literally letting myself out totally, in its rawness. It was because I was most vulnerable last night, when he had told me. It was all so fresh and new. Tip: Always blog or write in your diary immediately after a certain something has happened. The feelings are freshest then, they can be better explained and expressed then. I've learned that, and sometimes I look back and think ''is that really what I felt?'' It's a good outlet, and a stress reliever.

Anyways, last night was absolutely horrible for me. My mind was stuck on the smoking thing, it wouldn't get out of my head. I kept on playing games with myself, overanalysing the situation in every way possible. I woke up..probably ten times. Who can sleep when they have so much in their head?

As a result, I woke up at 3pm. I like sleeping as much as I want, but I hate waking up late, because then I feel like my life is starting to become a waste. But isn't that what vacations are meant for?

I woke up, thinking about him again, and wondering if he replied to the message I sent him. That message was really long, and really heartbreaking, saying the usual stuff ''How could you do this? You know I don't like it. How could you choose smoking over me?''  He didn't reply. That led me thinking:

1. Either he didn't read my message yet

2.Or he read it but didn't reply.

I tried to distract myself by reading a book I'd read before. It's called The Bride Stripped Bare, by Nikki Gemmell. A little bold, but I liked it. And at around 5:20pm, I got a text from Facebook.

He'd replied.

Granted, after that I felt much better.

The gist of the reply was that he was extremely ill, so ill that he didn't go to work today. He said he caught a viral infection from somebody on the plane.

The main part:

''Darling I'm so depressed because of this distance between you and me, I feel so ashamed about opening this entirely new chapter to worry you when we don't even have the time to love each other properly first.
Please forgive me. It's you I want, nothing else. And why would you compare this nasty habit with yourself anyway? I don't have to try and quit, I have. And since there is no way of getting my hands on it for two months, you need not worry about it in any way. It's impossible for me, and now you should be content.''

I don't want to let go of this right now, not so quick. I need details. One of the comments of the previous post was ''If he doesn't stop before marriage, don't expect him to stop after marriage as well. 

I think that's absolutely right. You can't hang on to a man's promises of ''after marriage''. You need to show him that NOW is the time. Convince him now. 

I'm not being an evil witch and convincing him to stop talking to his family, or to leave his parents, or to quit his job. That is his domain, his territory.

But smoking. Is my territory. Because I'm the one who's becoming a doctor. I know how bad it is.

I've heard of stories all around, of people living to such old ages, and being smokers. My grandfather, a smoker since his 20's, stopped when he was 70, and died when he was 82. And then you hear of the unusual cases. The man who was only 45, smoker, and died of a heart attack.

And then H's father, who had a stroke last year in April. Though I admit that smoking was not the main cause of the stroke, I can say with 100% assurance that it was definitely a contributing factor. 

You cannot smoke and guarantee your survival chances. You can live till a hundred, or die at 50. 

But you can ''not smoke'' and live a healthy life, and guarantee that you've done your best to live long. Whether it's in Allah's plan that you live long is up to Allah. But shouldn't we do our part? As humans?

Allah has bestowed us with a life. A life that we should take care of as much as we can. I think smoking is just slow suicide,like Kratz rightly says. You're killing yourself, setting yourself up for more diseases, less health, more sickness. 

H really should read this post. Lol.

I plan on living a healthy life, filled with fruits, vegetables, less soda intake, more water and juice, and exercise. And I plan on making him live healthy too.