Cold.

I know I might think this whenever a new winter season comes along, but this winter has got to be the coldest yet. :S Even though I wake up early, I can't get out of bed for another few hours because I love the warmth of my comforter. And I know that within 15 minutes, my hands and feet will be so cold. I don't know how kids and teens get up every morning to get ready for school and college. I was stunned just watching my siblings this morning, and was very strongly reminded of the fact that soon, I will be getting up at these chilly hours as well, and getting ready for my own college. I'm so dreading the thought.

I was woken up this morning by my little siblings' report cards: they just came back from school with them. My little sister did not do as well as I had hoped, but my brother improved beyond belief. I didn't yell at them (mostly because I had just woken and I couldn't physically yell) but I told them exactly what they needed to do to ensure better grades from now on. Tomorrow is their Parent Teacher Conference, but because my mother doesn't teach them, she won't know head nor tail of what the teachers are talking about, so I will go. Oh God, I'll have to wake up early in the morning. Oh no. But atleast I can ask the teachers what's going on, and I want to gauge the kid's reactions of their teacher's comments. Normally, I go to the parent teacher meetings alone, and come back and tell them what their teachers said, and they just bluntly reply ''That's not true'', knowing that there won't be any way for me to prove it. Watch out kids, it's different this time.

It's the first month of the Islamic year, the month of Muharram. This is the month of mourning, as the fourth Imam of our religion, Imam Hussain, was brutally martyred and his family was very cruelly treated. This is the month is which I remember strongly that H is a Shia. For him, this month is of the utmost importance, where he stops any kind of happy activity, and engages in private mourning. No movies, no music, no celebrations. Even though Sunnis also do believe in the martyrdom of Imam Hussain, we are not strongly inclined to it (with the exception of me, I have begun to become a little bit more emotional and sympathetic towards Shias, because I'm in a relationship with one). The actual defining point between these two sects is the matham. That is a form of beating the chest and chanting Hazrat Ali's name and Imam Hussain's name. It sometimes takes a turn for extreme physical abuse- hitting one's self with knives and swords, making them bleed. At the same time, the men also cry, and remember what happened that day of the martyrdom. It's very..scary to see. H has never done it, but I know that it is his private wish to do so. He never tells me that, but he's very religious, and very inclined to his sect, and I know that he gets emotional too. Sometimes I do wonder how things will be between us, but most of the time we don't let religion get into the way.

Last night, me and him couldn't talk, because he went to a saint's grave with his family. This morning, I received a text from him telling me that he was going to Okara, Sahiwal, and Pakpattan, cities that are about 5 hours away, and he would be home tomorrow evening. Strangely, I did not feel any kind of distance between us. It's all really odd, but I think it's because of a talk that me and my sister Kt had about relationships and how we should feel. I have all these feelings about what he's done, what he does, and I want to change it all so badly...but my sister said Let it all go. Ignore it. In time, it won't affect you as much, and maybe he'll realize that. She said I have to start living for myself, and not for him. It's not the first time someone said it to me, but definitely the first time I listened. I shouldn't force him to care, it's up to him he is his own person, and whatever he does is his loss.

It's still really cold, and I've got nothing done related to the things I need to get for hostel and for college :S Dad said we'll go tomorrow, but I'll start by going today with my brother and picking up some things. Tomorrow,we'll do the heavy shopping.

That's really it for now.