Barbecue

It doesn't matter what kind of a person he is. Did you give your heart to him? All of yourself? Did you tell him your innermost secrets, your deepest desires? Did you consider him above all else? No matter how much of a saint you were before, did you forget your parents, your life, for him? No matter what you feel later, just know. This was love. You were in love.

Today is my best friend, Mehreen's birthday :) It sucks so much that she has to live in the United States, and I have to be stuck here in Pakistan. But I tried to do her birthday justice, I called her up at 10am my time, midnight her time, and texted her too. I felt closer to her then :)

Yesterday we went with another family (who is not related to us) out for a barbecue at Jallo Park. That's a park that's really old, and huge, and people don't go much ther anymore because of how far away it is (it took 45 minutes to get there). The barbecue itself wasn't that great either. I'm really dependent on other people for making me happy. I always look around and expect someone else to make conversation, or make the mood. Thus, the barbecue was really boring, and I hate eating sacrifical meat anyways, and that's exactly what my dad and the uncle grilled. It left a really bad taste in my mouth later, and I washed it down with coffee, with was blissfully good and sweet. Oh, I don't know about everyone else, but black coffee is a strict no-no in my case. I'm a latte person, through and through. I can never take my coffee black and bitter, it has to be warm, rich with milk, creamy, and sweet. Mmmm...

Today is a free day, H was too tired so we couldn't talk last night, so I slept from 1am to 2pm. Lol. I woke up four times in between though. I just cannot sleep properly, it's been years since I've had a night of uninterrupted sleep. I think that's what is not letting me gain weight. I've always had a problem with sleep, and no matter what time I wake up, or how many hours I've had, I'm always yawning throughout the day, and I'm never tired enough at night. Very strange. I stay up, waiting for sleep to come. Sometimes, I wish I could be a normal human being.

8 days till the merit list is put up.I'm trying to enjoy the remainder of my free time, though to be honest it's very hard to, since all I've known for the past 4 months is freedom. I'm actually craving to be put back into order, structure, schedule, college. It'll make me feel like I'm actually living, being this free and relaxed all the time doesn't make me feel like I'm actually alive. Add more to the fact that I can't leave this house and go out anywhere, and also that I have absolutely no money. :/ So life is really dull, boring, no-point-ish. 

There was a question that has been on my mind for awhile, and I'd like to share it. If there's something you cannot change, and at the same time you cannot accept it either, what do you do? I plan on asking H this tonight, asking him what he would do. Because indirectly, the question has to do with him, but I just don't want him to know that. If he knows for one minute that what he does is something I cannot accept, he will be extremely frustrated,and that's the last thing I want him to be.

That's about it really. Another headache has begun again. This time it's a stabbing one, over my right one. Goodness. My little siblings have exams this week, so I have to help them with that, and will have to watch my favorite tv shows on repeat tonight (no, I don't have TiVo,please don't remind me that I live in a Third World Country).

I will go now. I need a shower, and some peace. My shoulder is hurting too.