Sometimes, I forget how much I feel. How much I can. It's a double-edged sword. One, I'm really happy that I can explain myself so well and know the root of every problem I face. But two- it's painful. The feelings are all negative. Hurtful.
And I'm sorry to say they haven't changed.
You can say "You're right" to me all you want. For whatever reason. To shut me up. Or because you really do believe it. But let it be known that there's no point, when you do absolutely nothing about it.
Three days. A part of me (only a small part) thinks I'm doing the wrong thing, that the rare time we do have to talk should be met with civility and nicety. But you know what? That's stupid and submissive. The larger part of me wants a fight. Raring. Full out brawl. With everything, you and me, this, exposed. So that's what I've been doing. In case you didn't know. Fully out there.
I won't say anymore, not because I don't know what to do. Because I do. I do know. Because now I refuse to let anyone make decisions for me. I refuse to let anyone toy with my thought process, be it friend, family or foe. Being yourself means knowing yourself, and knowing what's right for you. Nobody should have the power to change your mind.
I just need the courage. I'm afraid of the void that will fill me when you're gone. Not of the romantic part. The friend you were, and still are. Of my safety net breaking.
Maybe it'll come. Maybe it won't. Uncertainty, maybe for the best.
2 comments:
If you're staring at this in the face and taking it head on like this, you already have all the courage you need. Everything happens for a reason - have faith in God and don't be afraid.
I hope what's truly best for you comes about :)
Hugs.
Yes you have all the courage u need girl. I am sure things will turn out alright in the end :) its all about taking decisions and standing firm on them no matter what :)
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