After talking about the situation for months and months, planning everything, me not even needing to try to hold my emotions back, because I told myself in the beginning that I needed to get used to it and be strong...
It hit me.
H's going back to the States this summer.
And though he'll be back in September, that doesn't mean I can't miss him.
Alot.
:(
I wish I could go to the airport to see him, but there are complications with that. One, he might not take off from here, probably from Islamabad. And even if I got to Islamabad (which is easy, seeing as I have relatives there and can make an excuse to go see them for the summer) he doesn't want me coming. He says there's no point i meeting for 2-3 minutes, it'll just devastate both of us further. And plus, his family will be there.
I don't know why, but for the first time in a long time, I began to cry, and it wouldn't stop. I could feel wave after wave. I'm not ashamed of telling anyone this, because for awhile now, I've been suppressing my emotions, to the point where I wouldn't cry, even in private. It's like I was hiding from myself, I was afraid of even judging myself.
So I sort of realized that however I treat him, I'll treat myself that way too. Because I've already incorporated him in me, no matter how angry he makes me.
Or maybe because I am an open book, with everyone. Crystal clear.
So I cried. Heavily. And I tried to stop. Really. But it just kept coming, to the point where I couldn't talk properly anymore. I am going to miss him very much. And more so because I'll be free while he's gone, no tests, no studying, and I would love to spend that time with him, but he won't be here. :(
''We'll definitely chat online, and if possible, at noon, we'll talk too. It'll be night for me :) If not through Skype, then through Ufone. I'll load you up plenty before I go. Hundred rupees gives us 70+ minutes :D''
It's finally hit me. And everything I was holding back (though to be honest, I didn't consciously know I was holding anything back) has burst, and it's all out for him to see.
I want to give him something before he goes. When he went last year, I gave him a huge 3 page letter hat I told him he could only read in the plane. He loved it. The thing is, I don't want to give him something..materialistic. In the sense that, I don't actually want to give him a gift. Just something he could remember me by. Does anyone have any ideas? I've decided on a voice recording, and I dedicated two songs to him which he'll listen to when he's there in the States: ''Run'' by Snow Patrol and 'Wish You Were Here'' by Avril Lavigne.
Yes, I'm a sappy romantic. And I love that I am. Lol.
So, can anyone give me any more ideas? Like, should I make a card, or anything else? Nothing materialistic, like I said. Any comment would be appreciated :)
3 comments:
Awh, I'm sorry to hear that.
It's okay to be romantic ;). It's actually pretty cool.
I think you should look back over your time together, and find something that you've shared, or a good memory, or special event, and get him something that will remind him of that thing and of you.
Once my friend gave me a pebble from the seaside with a smiley face tipexed on the top. Other people would have thought it was junk, but it is really special to me. You see what I am getting at?
The voice recording / card can be something on the side.
And the two songs. Pretty cool!
Lets hope you find something awesome!
Take care, and stay strong.
:)
:O You know, when I went to the US a couple of years back, when me and Haider were still friends, but bordering onto committing, lol, I got him a worry stone, a very smooth pebble that was sea greenish with specks of blue and white. And it was kinda curved in the middle, like a squished ball. And since Wafa means 'Faith'', it had the word Faith engraved into it. I thought it was something small, but he went all over the moon abut it. He loved it :) Thank you for the advice, I will think about it. Now realizing that nobody can actually give me advice on what personal effect gift to give him, because only me and him know what we've been through together. :) I'll miss him very much.
Oh, and for some reason I can't log into my account, so I'm writing this comment under open name. Lol.
why dont you sing him a song or make a recording of you singing. i mean u have a good voice n working with songs theres so many choices. you could do one that you both sang together if theres a good memory of that if not any cheesy luvy dovy mushy song would be awesome i love that stuff. theres nothing wrong with being romantic like that i mean if i had the opportunity i would run through a field of flowers with my dubatta flying behind me like old school bollywood movies
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