Hiatus.

I really have..too much to write about, but I don't know where to start or what to write about. I haven't updated properly in weeks, and it feels weird.

So I'm just going to write about whatever comes in my mind...and it'll be recent stuff of course :)

I have Thenatophobia and Acrophobia. Lol. The fear of death and fear of heights. Last night, I had the scariest dream. Me and S were on the roof of some building, which was 6 stories high, and at the top there were no railings, and when I looked down, the height was...so.

F'IN.

HIGH.

I was freaking out in my dream. And I remembered it well after I woke up.

That brings me to another topic. I'm waking up really early now! :D I think I'm becoming a morning person. I took a day off on Friday, because I wanted to, and thought I'd sleep in. But for some reason, I was awake by 10:30, and out of bed by 11am. O_O 

FREAKY. Especially since I never used to be out of bed before 2 on the weekends. This proves that it is not ingrained in my nature, it really does depend on my sleep schedule. And today is Sunday, and AGAIN, I woke up at 11am :S weird. But it's also cool, because that gives me more time to do ''awake'' things :P

H is in Islamabad...for the third time in 3 weeks. He has to go for his Dad's check up, and ever since he's been gone, he's kinda been MIA. I tried texting him yesterday, and he didn't rply until I called him at 11pm, to which he promptly rejected and texted back saying ''Text you in two (min)''.

It's 2pm. He hasn't texted yet.

I guess in a way I should thank him. Because it's because of him that my sleep schedule has been sorted out.

I made breakfast this morning for everyone. A huge omelet. With green onions and tomatoes. Yum! And my sister made Chinese food last night- Chicken Manchurian and Egg fried rice. So I'm pretty good on the food side. But I still feel really weak. Before it never used to bother me that much, because even though I've always been skinny, I've always been healthy too, and Mom always sad that as long as you're healthy, weight doesn't matter. But now I am officially weak. I'm tired often, my eyes hurt, lazy. And before I used to accept it, like ''this is who I am'', but I'm really getting sick of it now. I know I can have an active, healthier life, and here I am, settling for laziness and fatigue and I haven't even reached my 21st birthday yet! :O I think I'll have plenty of time to rest after I die, so I better start ''living'' now. 

Can anyone suggest a good gaining-weight-and-being-healthy plan? I've already decided on a few things:

1. Banana milkshake every day (they really help you gain weight)

2.Eat whenever my stomach feels empty, even if it's just 20 minutes after a meal.

3. Have 6 to 7 meals a day instead of 3.

4. Take iron and Vitamin C supplements.

Does anyone have suggestions on certain things I can eat to be healthier and gain weight?

Yesterday I felt really weird. I felt like something bad was going to happen, and it just hung over me like a cloud all day. But thankfully, nothing did. Except...

Okay, first off, let me just tell you that A, the girl from my group, knows abut this blog. She found it. Don't know how. But no matter what, that is not going to stop me from posting up stuff that I truly feel, even if it's about her, or about people that concern her. Like I'm about to write.

Inside our ''group'', there are cliques within themselves: There are twins,An and R, so they just kinda go together; A, Sa, and Z are roommates. That leaves me and S, and the way I've been seeing it, they don't really...treat S all that well. Sa goes all over the moon to talk to the twins, and I get that, because they're from Lahore, and they really awesome people. Z's the quiet and reserved one, but she doesn't need to demand attention because not only is she the CR, she's A's and S's roommate.

Attention just comes.

A...is weird like that. Different. Fun. People like her. S is pretty cool too.

That leaves me. A girl who is not part of any of their batches, and isn't roommates with anyone, and isn't a twin.

Get what I'm trying to say? The feeling out of place part?

I felt it more yesterday. When it was a mutual friend's birthday, and A was going to send a text to the twins to remind them to wish her.

But she wasn't going to send that text to me.

And then there's Sa. Maybe to her it may come across as a joke, but she can REALLY make someone question her intentions. She blatantly, and always states that she doesn't want me to sit with her, not to invite me to get togethers, and not to share things with me.Instead, she's running after the twins to do all these things.

Okay, right now I'm thinking I shouldn't write more, since A and S are roommates after all and A might show this to her. I don't even know if she reads this.

So, yeah. It got me down yesterday. Severely. What cheered me up was when A suggested we play ''Name Place Animal Thing...and Movie''. Maybe A knew something affected me. I don't know. All I know, is that I suck at that game.

I got 725/1100.

R got 945/1100.

A got 1035/1100.

No wonder she wanted to play. -.- She's so frickin good at it.

This is my Biochemistry lab early in the morning, before anybody came. I think this shot is beautiful. And I want a professional camera now. :(

Things at home are rough. But more than anything, no matter how bad everything is seeming, I'm focusing on the good and trying to stay positive. I really am. Because if I go down, then I won't be able to study, and then I'll fail, and then everything else will go down with me. I'm burying the bad things as much as I can to be dealt with when I'm stronger.

I thought about something yesterday, and I wrote it down:

''I think that, in everyone's life, there should be one person that they should be negative with. They should be able to show a smile with the world, but break down all their hopes, fears, worries and problems to that one person. 

That one person is their best friend.Who they know will support them no matter how negative they sound, or how hopeless they are. We're supposed to give our best friend hope all the time, whenever they need it. The world can think you're fine, but everybody needs that one person who they can tell that they're NOT fine.That's emotional closeness. That's bonding. That's security and trust and overall, a best friend. One who never gets sick of telling you that everything will be alright.''

Now, I should be going and spending this day off with my family, and studying, and just being a little bit carefree. Because God knows that as you get older, your life will no longer be carefree.

Have a great weekend! :)