I fell asleep on the bus today.

I got new contact lenses! I'm in love with them. For the sole reason that I can see the world better. Seriously. For 8 months now, I didn't have glasses or contacts. It was weird, squinting at everything, and seeing everything past 10 feet, blurry. I like having a clear world. More confidence :)


I can see clearly now, the rain is gonee.... (I always think of this song when I think of my lenses.)

I'll write a more structured post when I have time. Right now. I don't. I should be napping. I will go now. In a bit. Let me talk first.

Today's Biochem practical went awesomeawesome. Best of all, seriously. ANATOMY LEFT AND THEN I'M FREE! For four days. And then I'm going to go on a movie marathon crazy spree. I plan on watching ''Bol'' and ''Missed''. Any other suggestions?

I loved today. Honestly. Besides the Biochem practical, I had loads of fun with a fellow classmate. We talked about so many things, and found that we had so much more in common ground than I thought of before. And I love talking. And sharing my views AND listening to other people's opinions. But mostly talking. So it was fun. It made me get over the sadness of last night. No details there. I was just sad. But now I'm completely over it, and I'm happy :) Don't you just love people like that? That uplift your mood out of nowhere, and they don't even know it?

My sister's friend has this stupid dholki tomorrow. So much drama regarding that. This is like, her 8th dholki or something. In a row. She's saying dholki even though she really means 'dance practice.' And for some reason, I don't feel that comfortable dancing in Muharram. It feels wrong. And besides, I have to study.

I'm not eating roti salan nowadays. Just Knorr noodles and sandwiches. Exams does that to a person.
I want an outing with my friends as soon as possible. I need the possibility of blowing off money and having good food, good company, and good laughs. I like blowing off money. It's the only regret I can truly live with.

I found out something today. I'm one of those kinds of people that if I get something bad in life, I don't waste my time cursing my fate or ''kismat'' or ''naseeb'' or whatever it is. I learn to adapt around it and move on and work with it. Today, some people got certain experiments that they didn't know that well, and instead of focusing to remember as much as they could and make sure they could do a good enough job, they were basically getting depressed on purpose, saying bad stuff, making a fuss, and getting stuck in that bad moment on purpose. I don't know why they do that. But I don't. And I'm glad :) This way, you can make the bad things into the neutral things and make the good things seem huge :)
 
The bad part about being hyper is that if one day you just feel like being quiet, people think something's wrong.

I gotta go. I'm tired.

Snow Globe.

Winter is here!

I love/hate winter just like I love/hate every season. Except spring. Spring is unique in that it is awesome. Nothing bad about it.

Love about winter: 

1.Getting warmer feels better than getting colder during summer.

2. You get to snuggle and hold your loved ones (I can already hear the single people snorting)

3.Hot chocolate!

4.Dry fruit. Injeer. Mmmm. 

5. It only lasts for a short while here anyway.

6. Snow! In other places besides Lahore.

7. Fashion is sexier. Seriously. I find layering much more fashionable and stylish than shedding clothes off.

Hates:

1. Your hand freezes up and you can't even write.

2. When you can't sleep because your feet are too cold even with socks on. :/

3.You can get dengue, malaria, and heat stroke during the summer. And you get cold, cough, flu, pneumonia, chest infection, sinus, and just about every other type of virus in winter.

...Loves are more :)

It's Muharram, the first month of the Islamic year. My mom always says ''For Christians, their year begins with happiness and hope. And for Muslims, it begins with sadness.'' Whether you're a Sunni or a Shia, Imam Hussain's story is known worldwide, and believed by both sects. In a way, I really don't want to bring out a full scale political war on this blog, because it just isn't right. Islam is about unity. 

I only write on my blog, what's on my mind. My posts are almost never scheduled, neither are they always word vomit, without caring (or pretending to not care) about what I'm writing. I'm not that sort of a blogger. When I decide to write a post, I think about it throughout, and only hit ''Enter'' when I feel it's okay enough. Sometimes my posts are personal, sometimes they're random, sometimes they're updated, and sometimes they go deeper, and I decide to reveal some things about my relationship and personal life.

I get a lot of crap for being in a relationship with a Shia. And being Sunni myself. Especially in this time of the month. In fact, a girl who came over my house the other day, an old friend who has just joined 1st year MBBS and needed my books, found out about me and H. She looked at me incredulously and said ''But...wait...are you two going to get married?!'' She was a Shia herself. She found it unthinkable. I get that a lot, actually. The people who have known us for awhile now have stopped badgering us about it, but I know they still think it. I know because I asked a friend, and she started going on a furious tirade about how we're of different sects, how the marriage will never work, how we won't even know who our kids will be, what will happen.

I'm not going to write in details about my thoughts. But I will give some points.

First of all, I won't go into detail, because that will only end up me being judged by all of you. ''Oh, look, H has changed her, oh, she's already half a Shia, oh look, she's defending herself.'' I have nothing to defend. I know what I think, and I know what is right.

Second, my relationship is mine. Right? So I'll know what to do. Everybody really needs to focus on their futures, their careers, and their families. As you grow older, notice something: You really will not have time to judge. When you have to wake up early every day, be in a hassle till the afternoon, work really hard for whatever you're doing, come home to a family that you have to take care of, idle talk simply doesn't matter. Half of you have reached that stage; half of you still are. But you'll see what I mean when you get there.

Third, I don't need to feel like I have to prove anything to anyone. I love where I am, I'm enjoying my relationship. That also doesn't mean that if it ends tomorrow, you were right and I was wrong. To put one point across, in all the disagreements we've ever had during the 3 years we've been together, we've mostly had them about time, trust, honesty, and all those other relationship matters. Religion was always on agreeable terms. And it's not that we're both ignorant of religion. On the contrary, we're both knowledgable enough. I just feel that if a problem with religion HAS to arise, it doesn't have to affect anybody. Why should it? It's totally my life. I don't share it with anyone, not even H. I make decisions for myself, and I don't like feeling like somebody else, who I don't even know that well or at all, has a say in what I do in my life. Of course, my parents play a huge part, and what they say influences me. But that's about it. 

H is a Shia. There's his label. So now will he be treated like a creature, like somebody who's not human? I know people who have liked and respected H before they knew he was Shia. And when they knew, you could feel the tension in the air. Why? What happened? He's not going to hurt you. 

If there's one thing I like about my medical college friends, it's the fact that they NEVER ask about my relationship. In fact, half of them are not even interested, which suits me more than fine. I don't want nor have to brag, I like having two or three separate lives. One with my college, one with my family, and one with H. Merging them together would be disaster, really.

That was a huge rant back there, I apologize. This month especially gets me all riled up, because it reminds me how people are always going to judge you, no matter what. Always. If you're good, nobody knows. If you've done something bad, nobody forgets. 

Anyways, change of topic, shall we?

I found these really nice old boot-ish type shoes that I bought AGES ago. They're perfect for winter. I wore them to a Quran Khwaani today. I liked them...until my uncle told me I looked like a boy. I think I'll stick to wearing them with jeans now. Not chooridar pajamas. I sometimes pick comfort over fashion, and the result is disastrous. That made me realize that I have a lot of shoes, that are buried in the back of my closet. So, new mission: I'm going to go to my nearest shoe store and get loads of shoe boxes, and sort shoes out. I hope they don't make you pay for shoe boxes. This is Pakistan. Anything can happen. If they see a business out of it, they'll put a price on it.

Vivas and practicals are underway, till the 15th. Next one on the 9th, Biochem viva. I have plenty of time to study for it, thank God.  Today was supposed to be a day to study, but I went to the Quran Khwaani. Was bored out of my mind. Played on my dad's Samsung Galaxy, which I envy but would not want because it's too big.

Besides that, each of my three lives seem to be going okay :) And I'm glad. That's all an adult can hope for, really.

I like Ovaltine. Not Milo. You?

Split personality and Word Vomit. It's been too long.

I feel weird.

I started up Blogger today, opened up the blogs I follow to read their recent posts, and I went from reading their entire posts and commenting, to only reading the first and last line. This is so unlike me. Am I losing tolerance?

Anyways. Major profs are the ended. Today's prof was comparatively good, I liked it better than the other profs. It's a strange feeling though, that I don't feel satisfied by these papers AT ALL. Like, it hasn't even happened once that I've left the hall and felt ''Oh wow, that was awesome, let's do it again!!'' ( Yes, people like me feel like that when we give good papers. We call them nerds. What do you call them?) It just feels like ''It's over, I can go home and sleep, I had to stay up the entire night before.''

Somebody just sent over a whole bag of nimboos. Seriously? Lemonade season is over, whoever you are.

Prof season is just a channel for weird, lost, and confused feelings. 

I didn't mention it before on this blog, but my mother fell severely ill a few weeks ago. When we took her to the hospital, we found out she had blood poisoning and the wound in her foot was infected (while writing this a part of me is thinking 'Stop telling people your life story. Why am I losing heart halfway in everything?!)

We had to get her admitted, and Dad wasn't even here, he went to attend a wedding out of the city. Thankfully, he came back in time. After switching of hospitals and surgeons and postponements, Mom had her surgery two Fridays ago. Because the infection spread to the bone in her third toe...they had to do the worst, because there was nothing else to do, they couldn't save it anymore. The second and third toes were amputated, and though it might sound like a small amputation, it kind of hit my world with like...an equally sized rock. Everything became weird. Time honestly had no meaning. Staying in the hospital for a day felt like 4 days, and one hour felt agonizing. Couple that with having to wake up every day at 5am (and who gets sleep in a hospital anyway?) I'd say life has been throwing a lot of curve balls at me at the moment and they're all hitting my head.

But I'm no one to complain. This is the perfect opportunity to be positive. She is in recovery and doing much better :) She was put in observation in the hospital, to try and control her sugar level because it's been off the charts for a month or so. 200 and above, 250 being the minimum. They changed her insulin, helped her out, and everything has been balanced. She's like a whole new person, I see her so differently now. She's like...my mother. You really don't realize who your parents are until you see them go through pain like this and then come out of it. And you also realize at that moment that nothing could replace them and that you could do,would do, should do anything for them.

The reason all this came out right now is because Mom is at the hospital right now, for her routinely check up. So she's constantly on my mind. So you're supposed to write about what you're thinking and how you feel about it. So there you go.

And prof scene became so hectic, I couldn't actually sit down on the laptop without jumping up every few seconds thinking about the massive course left to study. So my nerves was basically frayed from both ends.

Besides that, I'm really getting annoyed/frustrated/sad/disappointed at a few people. There's a difference between thinking you're absolutely everything and that everybody will listen to you, but at the same time not going overboard (and giving other people a chance to talk or to share and to let them feel important), and then you turn into that person where you actually DO go overboard, and all you see is you and your family and your stories and your anecdotes and your day and your food and your jokes and your pictures and your plans for the night, and you're the one for entertainment and apparently, nobody else matters as much as you. It's strange because this person meant a lot to me uptil recently. And I didn't expect such a rapid change, and I don't know what caused it. I'm also making excuses for said person for changing, because that's just how much that person is a friend to me. But now...I don't know. Does anybody understand what I'm even saying? About how this person is now and how he/she was before? I'm not one of those people who puts up indirect facebook statuses, because...that feels cheap, in a way. But it doesn't feel cheap writing it on here.

But for every annoying friend I have, I have another awesome friend. So life's balanced out, and I'm not going to let anybody get to me that easily. Like A says, ''Just believe that you're awesome.'' Or maybe she said ''Just believe that I'm awesome.'' Um. Well, I'll take the former, because you can't let yourself get down by one friend, one person who ignored you, one bad test. The whole point of trick is to turn your mind around and look at the sun. And there's always a sun. For a bad break up, there are amazing friends. For a horrible paper, you have the concerned and loving parents. For a lonely night, there's the internet. You're not supposed to sulk about what DIDN'T happen. It's supposed to be ''Okay, what do I do now?'' 

I wonder how the Islamiat prof is going to go. We've never even given a single test on it. Every senior's saying it's easy, but it's easy because they've already given it. Duh. 

I have a senior friend, SR. She goes in my bus, and she's super sweet. Today she dropped me off home. I loved her generosity and character, and we didn't stop talking all on the way back home. I even talked with pizza in my mouth.

Oh, that reminds me. I love Cakes and Bake's ''pizza pieces.'' 25 rupees of pure yum. I bought two today. And they have so much variety now of other things, like burgers and stuff. I'm so gonna bring a lot of money and stuff my face with food.

I'm going to go have Knorr noodles. Two packets of it. Then study until 8:30, and watch the Masterchef season finale! Kate and Michael. I know who wins. I've known for months. But watching the battle is awesome. Do I sound sadistic? O.o

Upbeat song I listen to after successfully coming back home from a prof: All About Tonight by Pixie Lott. 

It was in my head DURING the prof today as well.

I want to write so much more, I could feel the incomplete-ness inside of me. But I have a strange negative feeling that most people wouldn't even get through this post! If you do, just comment saying that you did. It would make me feel fuzzy inside. :)

Randomhyper's philosophies:

''Going back home always feels like a shorter distance than leaving it. Because it's home.''

Smash.

2 profs down, 2 more to go.

They are going...strange. Definitely not as well as FSc papers used to go, where I knew every single question, and could answer clearly and as much as I could. So far, in each paper there has been atleast one question or a part of a question, that I didn't know the answer to. So, I had to break my honesty rule: I cheated. Not in mcq's though. Just in the short questions. I wasn't getting one question today AT ALL.

I love being able to go online upstairs, even though the Wifi is downstairs. Granted, things don't load as fast, but I get to enjoy privacy. And I am spared from the thand of the drawing room, where I usually sit.

I am currently online, when I should be studying. I just don't have it in me to study continuously, and all the time. My schedules are arranged so that I get plenty of free time to eat, talk on the phone, and watch TV. Lol. I need a pressure free environment.

Along with being online, I have taken it upon today to listen to my entire playlist- which isn't much, since I only recently rebooted my computer. But I've been downloading songs for the past hour, and belting at the top of my voice with my sister to random songs. Skyscraper. Story of Us. Sparks Fly. 

Great stress reliever.

I Wanna Go is on right now, and I'm surrounded by my sisters,and I'm pleasantly sleepy and weak. Cuz I slept for 4 hours straight when I came home today. I slept so heavily, I didn't hear my alarm ring, and THAT'S a first. Insomnia cured!

I'm hungry. I think my sister said we had daal chaawal. Not my preference, but...I'll eat it. Mostly because I have no money to buy myself a shawarma. 

This post had no real meaning, I just missed my blog. And I didn't feel like prof exams was a strong enough reason to stay away.

Oh. I've also been really philosophical nowadays, like the old times. It happens, when I use my brain too much. Some of my mind's conclusions and the end result of late night contemplations:

"With age, comes wisdom. With it also comes more choices and options. And so there's a greater risk of picking the wrong choice. Sometimes the simpler things in life- like being younger- are better."

"If you're good, there's someone better. You can't spend your entire life trying to find that better person, and then competing. So forget comparing yourself with other people. Live your life, and be happy with it. Happiness counts more than ability."

 "Athiests: It's easy to believe in something, it's harder to not believe.                         Muslims: It's easy to believe in something. It's harder to keep believing it. And to hold hope and faith."

Pictures that inspire me in numerous ways.

Have an awesome, amazing, positive weekend. Seriously. Last weekend of November! Not that it's significant. But. Okay, I'll go now.

Prof Mode.

Prep is not complete.
Course is way too big. 4 sub-subjects.
Things aren't staying in my head, I keep on forgetting things.
First professional exam on Tuesday.
Not scared. Terrified.
Not of failing. Of just not getting good enough.
That is all.

(Actually, I have to study. Story of my life.)

Can we bring yesterday back around?

This is a total random post to inform everyone that I was not sacrificed on Eid, I am alive, and I am bored out of my mind and have nothing useful to tell you. Even the blog post's title is a song. A cookie if you can tell me which song.

Celebration.

Have a blessed Eid, remember the sacrifice Hazrat Ibrahim was ready to make, and most importantly, remember Allah.