Reshelve.

Everytime I start to write a new blog post, I always tend to look at my last one, like it's the last checkpoint. To recollect everything that happened since, and to update it in the new post.
Not today. Today I'll write how I feel.
I'm listening to music that stretching my heartstrings tight.
I Fall Apart by Post Malone.
I never realized how important my sanity was,until I started making tremendous decisions to save it. Even at the expense of other people's feelings. Is this part of being an adult?
Becoming more impatient and less tolerant of other people's bullshit simply because you don't have the mental capacity for it anymore.
Happiness has never been more vital until now. Joy used to come more easily than this, with smaller things.
And now, some days I find it simply in waking up and breathing.
I'm in the university library studying and relieving my anxiety. I never used to be a library person back in med school; my bed and a pillow were the best study tools. Now this place is literal oxygen.
I still talk to H in the car when I'm alone and immersed in my thoughts.  
Step 2 CK exam in 29 days.
New H will remain undiscussed. Something closer to my heart I suppose, and something I refuse to dissect on the internet. I'll do it in my head, thank you very much.
All the H milestones have been crossed.

I fall apart
down to my core
Didn't know it before
Surprised when you caught me off guard