I need a stranger I can disengage.

I wish I could say that I was lost, or my mind was jumbled up, but it wasn't. And it's not even the extremely-busy thing either (though I have had multitudes of things piling up). I just...backed off. Anti-social for awhile. Wouldn't even reply to people's audio whatsapps or maintain friendships that I really do treasure alot. The satisfying part of it all was that I was okay with all of this. Not beating myself up about retreating, focusing on things in FRONT of me rather than in my head. 
Learning to be okay with most of what happens to you in life is one more step to everything else.

Our Pharmacology head had fifteen minutes to spare today. So she gave us a cute heart-to-heart about Islam and souls. Deep, overwhelming talks that leave me feeling like some different person, not the 22 year old I am. Making me feel absolutely miniscule. We grow up to know that toys break, seasons end, night turns to day, food finishes. Everything is finite. The idea of an infinite soul is scary, to say the least. And it makes my insides squirm. Since I am one for denial, I think I'll keep on pushing this to the back of my head until I need to sort it out. Trouble is, I don't exactly know when that'll be. 

This summer is grueling, and my iron will to ignore the heat and push on is gone. Health issues, people. Muscle spasms, insomnia, and fatigue. I don't know where it came from, and I don't know when it will leave.  I'm doing everything I can to make 'what I eat and what I drink' my top priority. So I'm pumping myself with juices and chips and roti and food every 3 hours. It's all I think about nowadays. Ab kya khaana hai.

 Trust is never what it is until it is SUPREMELY tested. Remember that.

Stethoscopes, reflex hammers, pen torches, inch tapes, and assessments. Wards aren't as inviting as they look. Annoyed, I am. Of the hospital. I need outings again. Gorging on Subway sandwiches and making pointless, funny conversation. Maybe McDonald's too this time, since they open at breakfast hours now. I love their Limited Edition "international" burger thing they're doing. Haven't tried a single one, but the idea is good.

My brother says I like the "hipster" DSLR photos. The ones of hair flips at 5:30pm with the light being just perfect. Pre-sunset light. I keep on delaying photoshoots with him, because this stupid degree is getting in the way. This is one thing I'm really excited about. Photography shoots. Jilani Park, Raiwind Road, the mouth of the Motorway, haaaye, I want to doooo thisss. Screw MBBS for one day. I will go.

More later. Enjoy yourselves people. Your souls are infinite!