Experience + Experiments.

My laptop attracts my siblings like a flower attracts bees. I now have a cluttered desktop, with half of the icons not even mine. Not cool. Not cool at all -.-

Today was amazing and terrifying in so so many ways. Took the day off college because the classes weren't so important. I have a viva the next day AND YET, I didn't study a single word. Not one. So unlike me. Watched TV and went online all day (checked Facebook a handful of times) Successive shows: Masterchef Aus, White Collar, Two and a Half Men and How I Met Your Mother. Aaah.

I'll somehow wing the viva tomorrow, I'm not worried about it. :)

I'm starting to think deeper about my friends in Uni. They started out as people I could just hang with during college hours, and sometimes text. The thing is, when you're coming into a professional degree, starting at Bachelor level, you have to go in remembering that everyone already has their social circle set up. They have their old friends, their private jokes, and their long standing years of relationships with other people. Something I'm glad I found out early on. And the group I'm with, it's just that: people with different lives, all colliding together on a daily basis, talking about studies and sometimes, the occasional hang out. But it's not solid, it's not "I'll be your shoulder to cry on" sort of thing. Which I both liked and disliked. I told myself that within a year or two, by the end of second year, I'd be a better judge of who everyone is, and where we should all stand. And now being in that position, I'm right. I know now. No names being mentioned (or rather, no initials, as I use). But I think I know who I'll be spending more time with, someone who's not exactly the emotional type, but is more or less how I am. And with that discovery, I also know who I'll be spending LESS time with. People who I can feel the indifference from, who I can sense the lack of interests. We're a group of seven, and yet occurrences like two people not texting for months actually occurs. *shrugs* Happens. 

I never went in expecting everything to be hunky dory and lovey dovey. I went in for a medical degree and good, solid dependability. No drama, no more drama. That's for when you're in a hormonal rage at 15-18 years old, and have the "YOLO" motto stamped across your forehead. Only to realize later, you're filled with regret and you're spending the next ten years of your life making good, mature decisions in order to cover the tracks. It's just better, simpler, wiser to be more mature about everything. Really. 

H leaving for the States is finally getting to me. I knew it would hit me the moment I would get done with my Biochemistry test, because up until then, that test was the only thing I would let my mind worry about. Hey, but it's okay. It happens every year. And there's no such thing as "I can't live without you". And nor will I make myself or anything else an emotional mess about it. Bas, theek hai. I'm fine, he's fine, we're fine. And we will be. 

This summer is hot. I don't like it. It goes as high as 121 degrees Fahrenheit in the afternoons. Mhm. And I especially don't like feeling weak and tired all the time, even after my proper doses of sleep. I've been ODing on tea too much for tests,and it's making my stomach hurt.

You know "Bokeh":

Why can't we see this with the naked eye? Why does all the beautiful stuff have to be captured in DSLR cameras and auto focused or some other feature? I think things like this are beyond gorgeous. I could get lost in lights like those. And every other beautiful picture I see, with light rays from the Sun.

For some reason the song "Charlie Brown" comes in my head with scenes like these. And I think the urge to fall into these pictures and leave reality is my subconscious crying out for freedom. I need to stop being my own psychoanalyst.

More experiments and thought ponderings for later.