Phosphene thoughts.

It's amazingly cool weather outside and my sister has the air conditioner on in here. How lame.

Facebook is beyond boring now, it's stupid. I strongly dislike it when I see so-and-so wrote on my Timeline (I hate Timeline. Wall. Wrote on my Wall) and it's just another quiz desperate and begging to be taken. No, I won't take it. It's not true. Who still believes ''What Does Your Name Mean?'' quizzes are true anyway? Your name means what it literally means. Bas. Theek hai? Stop polluting my Wall.

This June I will be besieged with tests of every sort- Histology, Physiology, Biochemistry, and the usual Anatomy. Double minded on this. One, I don't like studying a lot. Yet- I love being busy and having something productive to do. Laziness feels so good physically, and so yucky mentally. 

Sat on the edge of the bed yesterday, alone in my room, and talked myself out of being sad and depressed. Forcing words out of my mouth, to drag my mind away. Especially since I was being that way because of H. A long time ago, the mental decision was made that he would not have that power over me. A call is missed, it's missed. Don't guilt trip yourself into it. So you couldn't text back because you became busy out of nowhere. No reason to feel sorry for yourself or for him waiting for you (which he might not even be). You know the feeling for when you're waiting for somebody's text so bad, that you check your phone every 30 seconds, and whenever a text does come, your heart leaps, but then it's not him/her? I trained that feeling out of me. Doesn't happen anymore. Can you do that?

 I find myself making up sentences, horrible harsh sentences. Break up sentences. Uncomfortable truth sentences. And hearing them in my head- in his voice. Training again? So that he was ever to say any of it, I could be content and think oh it's okay, I've heard it all before. And it wouldn't hurt as much. If at all.

Steering this away now. I want more new clothes. I'll go to the tailor again tomorrow. I've been obsessed with stitching my own tops as well. I guess that's what happens when you have too many friends from PSFD posting up their work.

I'm going to learn how to cook AND sew this summer. Along with juggling Ramadan and studying for my send ups. Deal.

I wonder where my commenters have gone.

Let's walk through here.