Death.

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon.

 My mom's chachoo (uncle) died today, the younger brother of my grandfather, so he was basically like my grandfather.

Even though he was old and everything (79 years old) the shock and surprise is always the same. The feeling of solemness is always the same, and the day can't be a good day no matter what.

For sudden deaths, for young deaths, old, diseased, or expected, no matter what, it is always a surprise. I was just telling my sister that, and she agreed with me. Death is such a mysterious thing that even when it's time for someone to go, we just want to hold on for that much longer because even though, as Muslims, we know what's going to happen, we just can't bear knowing they're gone and experiencing something that we haven't, and for the remainder of our lives here, we won't see them again.My mom, dad, and the two little siblings went to Faisalabad for the death. Me and my slightly younger sister are at home, because she has a project deadline coming up, and I have my Histology spotting and 2nd substage this week, I can't aford to go to another city. It might sound horrible, but it really is a necessity to stay here. I knew exactly what I was getting into when I came into MBBS, I knew I would have to miss functions and deaths and weddings and hang outs. It's a choice I made, so even though I feel guilty occasionally, it's kinda for the 'greater good'.

May Allah give Nana Iftikhar a place in Paradise, forgive his sins, and lessen his punishment in the grave. (Ameen)

I know it's been a long time since I've blogged, but life just took an extremely hectic turn. Once Spring break was over, we were besieged with tests, and if I came online, it was for small things. It takes me approximately a half hour to write a blog post, and frankly, I didn't have the time. Lol.

Life, overall, is okay, with the exception of the death that just happened. Deaths always makes a person very solemn and quiet. So that's kinda my mood right now. 

Me and H are doing pretty alright :) The play was a fiasco though, I swear to God. Not going into details, it caused a major major fight, almost to the point where everything seemed completely pointless to continue, and then, we just kinda talked it out (after about 10 minutes of screaming at each other) and talked about why we're being so snappy and what we could do to fix it. We found out some solutions, and we did make up in the end. Now, things are not as lovey dovey as I want them to be, but I've realized now, that it's not always about the 'lovey dovey'. Well, I knew that before too, but I just wish things would go back to the way they were, when we both had so much time for each other, where all I had to do was give him one missed call and he's call back and come meet me within a half hour. But let's face it, we both know, and it is a fact of life, that as you grow older, you get busier, with you life, your education, your career, your job. And it's happened to both of us. Now most couples break it off because of lack of communication and the usual statement: ''You don't have time for me anymore.'' And though that is the case with us too, we are truly trying to make this work, because we can be together.

One of the points that we touched upon when we were talking everything through is my negativity. I may have mentioned before that I was having some serious trust issues with him, I wouldn't trust him on anything. And as we talked about it, I realized that in a way, things are my fault. Why aren't I giving myself a chance to make me trust him? Why am I deliberately putting myself through a frenzy of hell worrying about every little thing, about why he didn't call, about whether he loves me or not, and then always concluding the worst? I always thought that being a bit negative is good for a human, because then it allows them to prepare for any unexpected thing that can come their way, but a lot of good it has done me. It's just made me a cynic.

So that night, I decided to be more positive about my life and about my relationship. To always know in the back of my head that things can wrong, but to trust myself and to trust Allah that things won't. And Alhamdulillah, it has been working like a charm. He is still not texting a lot, and we didn't talk for about 2 nights, but I didn't take it negatively. I reminded myself that he does love me, he's just tired, and we have tomorrow (even though I'm a strong believer of ''too late'', I always believe that tomorrow might never come, so do what you want and what you have to today)

So things are better. Yay :)

I'm in love love love with this song:

Avril Lavigne's always been a love! She's one of my favorite singers ever, she helped get me through my teen years. Whenever I think of the period between 13-19 years old, I think of Avril, her voice, and her music :)

Okay, so now I'm going to get something to eat, and then probably start study. Or lay down for awhile, because I've been up since 10am and I went to sleep at 5:30am after talking to him for awhile. I'll try to blog on regularly, whenever I can get some spare time. 

Have a great Sunday :)