New set of questions:
5. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
Doing the right things, definitely. And sometimes, it sucks so much to do the right thing. But I'd still rather do it.
6. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
Stay positive about whatever comes your way, no matter what. This was sort of a stupid question, though. A newborn can't hear or even properly see me. I'll leave the advice in a cute little diary and give it to him/her when they are about 6 years old.
7.Would you break the law to save a loved one?
Alot of people would say yes, and then if it ever came down to it, they'd think twice. I'm saying, honestly, yes I would. It's your loved one, man. If they're not with you in the world, who else will you have?
8. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
I look at things in a very different way, I think. I love beautiful things, and it could be anything. A building, a woman, furniture. The way a park looks, or leaves falling. I have this strange sense that if I see enough beautiful things in a day, the world is a better place. And it gives me optimism.
April 10, 2014
April 7, 2014
Nouveau stuff, maybe?
I found this, and I read the first three questions, and I like it. I'm going to do it. Maybe this will stimulate any writer's/motivational block I have. There are 22, and I'm doing the first 3 or 4 in this post. These answers are totally mine and written with proper deep thought, so do comment on what you expected and especially on what you didn't. Because I put effort into this! Haha :)
1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
This is a very contradictory question for me. I look much younger than I really am. So, for starters, I'm 23. I look around 16-18. Small face, small features, petite (not short). But my mind acts around 22-25. Younger siblings to take care of (they never start studying for exams until and unless I get their schedules made), always organized and I plan very ahead of time.But I think this question was more directed on looks rather than mind, so around 16-18. I'm cute (:
2. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
Because we don't realize it. Life doesn't feel short to anyone I know of, because I'm in my 20s and so are the people around me. But I've seen how the elderly act; careful, fragile. Very calm and quiet. They know life is short. It's in human nature to forget our own mortality. And when we are reminded of it, it is such a terrifying feeling that we instantly try to forget it again. I know I do. I am one of those people who go to sleep every night planning the next day, without thinking that I may not wake up. I wish I formed the habit of saying Bismillah everytime I woke up, but I only do it for two three days, and I forget. I'm thankful to be alive, but at the same time I'm not thinking that my time is running out. We humans are in some sort of denial, one way or the other.
So we do things we don't like because we think later on we'll have time to do the things we DO like. Andddd I didn't understand the second part of the question. Like so many things we don't do? If it means we keep on dreaming and we don't follow our dreams, it's the same reason. WE THINK WE HAVE TIME.
3. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
This is such a pageant question, waisay. Hahaha. It's not world peace, like all those pageant girls say. There are a hundred things I want to change. But if there was just ONE thing I could go to the UN meeting or the World Court for, and they would listen and implement what I say, it's building a better educational structure for all the underdeveloped countries. Everything, everything comes back to education. It's the grass root level. I once read somewhere "Maybe the cure for cancer is trapped in the mind of someone who cannot afford education." That stayed in my mind since then, and I kept on thinking "That is SO TRUE. Do world leaders not know this?" Everyone needs to be educated. It's a fundamental right.
4. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
I think I'd just be grateful more, and wouldn't wait to follow my goals. I'd get started on multiple goals simultaneously. I'd be a more stout Muslim than I am now. Iman would be stronger, because God knows it's quite low at the moment. I'd finish my education earlier. Get married earlier, maybe. That's about it. We're humans, once again. It's in our nature to forget life is short so eventually I think I'll go back to my passive state.
Now I'm going to go watch an episode of Happy Endings season 2 and then get started on studying for a test on Wednesday. Bye :)
1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
This is a very contradictory question for me. I look much younger than I really am. So, for starters, I'm 23. I look around 16-18. Small face, small features, petite (not short). But my mind acts around 22-25. Younger siblings to take care of (they never start studying for exams until and unless I get their schedules made), always organized and I plan very ahead of time.But I think this question was more directed on looks rather than mind, so around 16-18. I'm cute (:
2. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
Because we don't realize it. Life doesn't feel short to anyone I know of, because I'm in my 20s and so are the people around me. But I've seen how the elderly act; careful, fragile. Very calm and quiet. They know life is short. It's in human nature to forget our own mortality. And when we are reminded of it, it is such a terrifying feeling that we instantly try to forget it again. I know I do. I am one of those people who go to sleep every night planning the next day, without thinking that I may not wake up. I wish I formed the habit of saying Bismillah everytime I woke up, but I only do it for two three days, and I forget. I'm thankful to be alive, but at the same time I'm not thinking that my time is running out. We humans are in some sort of denial, one way or the other.
So we do things we don't like because we think later on we'll have time to do the things we DO like. Andddd I didn't understand the second part of the question. Like so many things we don't do? If it means we keep on dreaming and we don't follow our dreams, it's the same reason. WE THINK WE HAVE TIME.
3. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
This is such a pageant question, waisay. Hahaha. It's not world peace, like all those pageant girls say. There are a hundred things I want to change. But if there was just ONE thing I could go to the UN meeting or the World Court for, and they would listen and implement what I say, it's building a better educational structure for all the underdeveloped countries. Everything, everything comes back to education. It's the grass root level. I once read somewhere "Maybe the cure for cancer is trapped in the mind of someone who cannot afford education." That stayed in my mind since then, and I kept on thinking "That is SO TRUE. Do world leaders not know this?" Everyone needs to be educated. It's a fundamental right.
4. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
I think I'd just be grateful more, and wouldn't wait to follow my goals. I'd get started on multiple goals simultaneously. I'd be a more stout Muslim than I am now. Iman would be stronger, because God knows it's quite low at the moment. I'd finish my education earlier. Get married earlier, maybe. That's about it. We're humans, once again. It's in our nature to forget life is short so eventually I think I'll go back to my passive state.
Now I'm going to go watch an episode of Happy Endings season 2 and then get started on studying for a test on Wednesday. Bye :)
April 4, 2014
More to come.
Me, the emotional one, tucked my emotions under my shirt and lived my life.
Actually I feel like I'm being swayed away by life. It's just pulling me here and there and this way and that and I get all these short term moments of being happy. But not the real thing, not the long term stuff. Oh yeah, that's the stuff. Haha.
Spring vacations have begun and I didn't even notice. Why, you may ask? Because my house is now a shadi ka ghar! My sister is getting nikkah-fied! MashAllah. Everyone say MashAllah. :) Ive been out and about every day for the last week, eating out, shopping, finalizing things. Today is the first day that I'm sitting at home, and I am so bored and awazaar. I wish I was out with mom and dad and sis right now, who are finalizing a hall. But marriage! She's going to be a wife. WHOA. I get hit by that every 26-28 hours. Granted, she'll still be living at my place, and sleeping next to me on our bed, but she's legally obligated to someone else. And everything worked out so well for her. I'm happy. She's happy. Alhamdulillah :)
Frequent readers of this blog know all about H. And me and him, and our antics, and our terrible moments, and our great ones too. Those readers also know that H has not been talked about in recent days (months?) This is only because my expressions have failed. I don't know how I feel about him because I think I've stopped feeling. We've both hidden that side of us, in lieu of this big bad life. I have so much going for me and he too. We're together, but not. We're used to going a week without phone calls and not meeting, and not saying anything deep and heartfelt. It's just stopped. He stopped it first, let that be known.
You know how they say that a woman can always tell when her significant other is cheating? Yeah. Well. H is not.
Haha, scared you there. I know he's not. And neither am I. And we care about each other to the maximum. But. I don't want that side of him back. I just don't. Maybe with more blog posts I can explore what it is that's within me, but for now that should suffice.
I'd like him back as a friend. He didn't do anything to hurt me badly enough that I can't love or care about anyone else. But I don't think I can feel the same way about him anymore. And luckily my mind hasn't fallen into depths of vivid memories of him and me, of our dates or special things we've said and done. My mind has selectively pushed them out...for now.
Where did this strength come from? Weird.
Fourth year of med school! Horrible Community test on the 9th and a Surgical ward assessment on the 15th and the nikkah after that. April is full.
Currently reading Ice Candy Man (Cracking India) by Bapsi Sidhwa. Review on it after I'm done.
And I need some gelato from Cosa.
More to come.
Actually I feel like I'm being swayed away by life. It's just pulling me here and there and this way and that and I get all these short term moments of being happy. But not the real thing, not the long term stuff. Oh yeah, that's the stuff. Haha.
Spring vacations have begun and I didn't even notice. Why, you may ask? Because my house is now a shadi ka ghar! My sister is getting nikkah-fied! MashAllah. Everyone say MashAllah. :) Ive been out and about every day for the last week, eating out, shopping, finalizing things. Today is the first day that I'm sitting at home, and I am so bored and awazaar. I wish I was out with mom and dad and sis right now, who are finalizing a hall. But marriage! She's going to be a wife. WHOA. I get hit by that every 26-28 hours. Granted, she'll still be living at my place, and sleeping next to me on our bed, but she's legally obligated to someone else. And everything worked out so well for her. I'm happy. She's happy. Alhamdulillah :)
Frequent readers of this blog know all about H. And me and him, and our antics, and our terrible moments, and our great ones too. Those readers also know that H has not been talked about in recent days (months?) This is only because my expressions have failed. I don't know how I feel about him because I think I've stopped feeling. We've both hidden that side of us, in lieu of this big bad life. I have so much going for me and he too. We're together, but not. We're used to going a week without phone calls and not meeting, and not saying anything deep and heartfelt. It's just stopped. He stopped it first, let that be known.
You know how they say that a woman can always tell when her significant other is cheating? Yeah. Well. H is not.
Haha, scared you there. I know he's not. And neither am I. And we care about each other to the maximum. But. I don't want that side of him back. I just don't. Maybe with more blog posts I can explore what it is that's within me, but for now that should suffice.
I'd like him back as a friend. He didn't do anything to hurt me badly enough that I can't love or care about anyone else. But I don't think I can feel the same way about him anymore. And luckily my mind hasn't fallen into depths of vivid memories of him and me, of our dates or special things we've said and done. My mind has selectively pushed them out...for now.
Where did this strength come from? Weird.
Fourth year of med school! Horrible Community test on the 9th and a Surgical ward assessment on the 15th and the nikkah after that. April is full.
Currently reading Ice Candy Man (Cracking India) by Bapsi Sidhwa. Review on it after I'm done.
And I need some gelato from Cosa.
More to come.
March 24, 2014
The Rut Diaries.
I need someone to convince me, complete with examples and justifications, to tell me that I will be strong enough to face the upcoming shitty phase of my life. It's disconcerting, watching the storm coming.
***
Memories that will always stay alive because neither of us will let the other forget.
***
I seek desperately for the imposition of order in my life.
***
I'm so afraid of the lurches in our heart that will happen, of the blinding flashes of memory when I hear that song, see a place, or a photograph. I'm so afraid of bearing and tolerating and struggling and pushing through the initial stage of absence and loneliness and loss.
***
Is love stronger when it lets go or when it hold on?
***
Strangely, through five whole years... I never imagined our wedding. I thought of being married to you, and dreamt about daily routines, waking you up in the morning and sending you off to work and whatnot, but never the wedding itself. The heavy jora, you next to me, sherwani and turban clad. Or maybe I have imagined it, but its so long forgotten no amidst the business of our lives and the turmoil that we are going through. Is this indicative of something?
Tests, assignments, hectic ward days. Baat pakki's getting done, cousins getting married, crazy 500km road trips. Cinnabon, Gloria Jean's, rainy weather, new clothes. So many reasons to be happy and free. And my mind is stuck. With no solution. And always wondering.
***
Memories that will always stay alive because neither of us will let the other forget.
***
I seek desperately for the imposition of order in my life.
***
I'm so afraid of the lurches in our heart that will happen, of the blinding flashes of memory when I hear that song, see a place, or a photograph. I'm so afraid of bearing and tolerating and struggling and pushing through the initial stage of absence and loneliness and loss.
***
Is love stronger when it lets go or when it hold on?
***
Strangely, through five whole years... I never imagined our wedding. I thought of being married to you, and dreamt about daily routines, waking you up in the morning and sending you off to work and whatnot, but never the wedding itself. The heavy jora, you next to me, sherwani and turban clad. Or maybe I have imagined it, but its so long forgotten no amidst the business of our lives and the turmoil that we are going through. Is this indicative of something?
Tests, assignments, hectic ward days. Baat pakki's getting done, cousins getting married, crazy 500km road trips. Cinnabon, Gloria Jean's, rainy weather, new clothes. So many reasons to be happy and free. And my mind is stuck. With no solution. And always wondering.
February 7, 2014
Times and Tides.
Winters came back in the form of fog in the mornings and nights and a thunderstorm with big fat drops of rain. I like it. Winters have to be enjoyed,especially here, where they only last 3-4 months.
Yesterday was a perfect example of how time is SO important for everything. Found out something huge,seeing bits and pieces of the puzzle come together,and the word that always comes to my mind in times like these is 'mosaic'. I don't know why. It just does. All things need time. People need time, careers need time,moments. Places. Feelings. Whatever. You need a solution? It's time. No matter how impatient you are or how urgent the matter seems. Events seem to unfold themselves.
Khair,that huge thing? It has oddly lifted a weight off me that I didn't even know was there. Our subconscious. Tricky clever things that slowly push things to the back until they're in shadow.
Lessons,lessons.
January 28, 2014
At the tips of your fingers.
No laptop,it fell and cracked its side. And now it most likely has a hardware problem. So mobile app for now.
I don't seem to remember dates anymore. Someone can remind me 4 times that today is the 28th and I'll still forget. What sort of carelessness is this.
At 23, I saw something which other people noticed earlier, either because they were taught it or because they're wiser than me. We as humans see what we want to see. And only rarely do we have the courage to realise AND act on it (forget diamonds,denial is a girl's best friend) People are shit and you can laugh it off or actually start to think. Acha. So you're like THIS. *cut invisible strings* and then go forward with your existence,not looking back. There isn't time to look back yaar. Life's too short,especially in Pakistan.
Med schooool and fourth year to be precise. I feel older now,and its a new feeling outside of my home. How lucky am I not to feel my age because I barely look it. Umr chor.
I miss visiting Old Lahore. It sparked something in me. And I wish I was more involved in college activities like writing or sports.
Anyway. I just woke up from a very fulfilling nap and saw this cute orange square on my screen. Blogger. So I decided to use it. Bye.
January 12, 2014
Snowfall.
I wish to see snowfall. It's been so long. Too long, in fact.
Winters are my favourite time of the year. So I'm generally happy.
There's just something about grey,cold mornings and walking to the bus stop with "You" playing in my ears. It's a feeling unlike any other. I've worn double socks and double sweaters for the first time ever, and it's such a warm toasty feeling Two sweaters sometimes makes me feel like I'm in a bind, though.
Fourth year of med school now really does feel like the REAL DEAL. Doctor? Really? Shiiiit. This is happening. Wards, however unimportant, should be attended for practice. Gynaecology is from Monday and that is a crucial one.
I have made these unique rules about rishta-picking:
1. When I look the guy up online, his first and last name should be spelled with a capital.
2. He should be able to spell "bureau" and "queue". Yes, I will ask them face to face.
3. This is going to sound discriminatory. But since my Urdu is, at best tolerable, he must have good working English. I cannot stress how important this is.
4. He needs to be a complex person.
The other rules are the same old. Funny, witty, blah blah.
This doesn't mean that H is out of the picture. He's still very much there, actually. But at the moment this alter ego refuses to acknowledge the reality of the situation because it's too painful to experience. And don't go telling me to be strong. I'd like to see you do it.
This New Year, along with the other usual stuff, I've decided to let things be. I don't need to go around looking for reasons for why things happened to me.
Faith. Is going to play a major role this year. Allah ki marzi. People walked out of my life, and didn't bother telling me why. So here I am, allowing them to go. Without torturing my brain with all the minute details.
Letting go.
Happy belated New Year peeple :)
Winters are my favourite time of the year. So I'm generally happy.
There's just something about grey,cold mornings and walking to the bus stop with "You" playing in my ears. It's a feeling unlike any other. I've worn double socks and double sweaters for the first time ever, and it's such a warm toasty feeling Two sweaters sometimes makes me feel like I'm in a bind, though.
Fourth year of med school now really does feel like the REAL DEAL. Doctor? Really? Shiiiit. This is happening. Wards, however unimportant, should be attended for practice. Gynaecology is from Monday and that is a crucial one.
I have made these unique rules about rishta-picking:
1. When I look the guy up online, his first and last name should be spelled with a capital.
2. He should be able to spell "bureau" and "queue". Yes, I will ask them face to face.
3. This is going to sound discriminatory. But since my Urdu is, at best tolerable, he must have good working English. I cannot stress how important this is.
4. He needs to be a complex person.
The other rules are the same old. Funny, witty, blah blah.
This doesn't mean that H is out of the picture. He's still very much there, actually. But at the moment this alter ego refuses to acknowledge the reality of the situation because it's too painful to experience. And don't go telling me to be strong. I'd like to see you do it.
This New Year, along with the other usual stuff, I've decided to let things be. I don't need to go around looking for reasons for why things happened to me.
Faith. Is going to play a major role this year. Allah ki marzi. People walked out of my life, and didn't bother telling me why. So here I am, allowing them to go. Without torturing my brain with all the minute details.
Letting go.
Happy belated New Year peeple :)
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| I want all of these! (Oh how I've missed adding photos) |
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