Diagonal.

I feel better now.

It happens to everyone, once in awhile. Where one day, bad things just keep on happening, one after another, and it doesn't seem like it's letting up. Or slowing down, at all. So, my last post was proof of those days. I was very tempted to delete it, but I think it serves as a nice reminder that I lost my cool, but I just as easily regained it back.

The Embassy appointment thing worked out. Turns out, I didn't even need one. Lol. There's been some rule changing regarding sponsorship, so I don't need to go to the Embassy. Thank goodness.

Eid is coming up! I don't prefer this Eid much, Eid u Fitr is so much more fun. With the Eidee and all. But this Eid gets me thinking about more religious things. Like the sacrifice Hazrat Ibrahim was ready to give for Allah. Could any of us do that? In this time and age, I definitely say no. We have a cow, like we do every year, and right now it's sitting my garage. Since my neighbors have a part in it too, they were helping out with tying it with a tree in the park during the day. And my neighbor was just petting it and loving it. It all felt so strong, while I was watching that. Log kehte hain k asal wali qurbaani woh hoti hai jo paaltu jaanwar ki hai. The goat/cow you've raised lovingly, because then you feel the pain of losing him. The cow's only been here 8 hours and I'm getting emotional. Jeez.

Hajj gets me emotional too. Especially when I hear ''Allahumma Labaik'' on TV. And see them throwing the stones, and going to Arafat. All in all, it was an emotional day.

Study wise, I'm going okay. It's going. Just going. Still keeping up with Masterchef though. Old, yummy, tasty habits die hard. And then don't die at all. That made no sense, I was just trying to sound cool.

It's like a crazy 5:23a.m. I was supposed to be asleep an hour ago, but my mom woke up and we just got to talking. Moms are cool like that. Hain na? And then we both ended up laughing about crazy people. Now, she's praying Fajar and I'm blogging.

This actually made me LOL.

Tomorrow will be a day of me waking up at 2pm, studying and cleaning closets. Wuhoo. -_-

Crap.

There's just a lot of crap right now. I've only been awake 45 minutes, and shit has bombarded me.

I'm normally not a person to rant about my stress on my blog, and I'm also the one to look at the positive side, and keep hope. But when there's things just hitting you, over and over again. Ugh.

We missed our Oct. 31st appointment to go to the US Embassy to submit the forms that I have to give to petition for my parents. Actually, we didn't miss it. We couldn't afford to submit the forms. Each form is about $420. And so, after setting the appointment and pestering my dad, no use. 

So then I decided to make another appointment today and then pester my dad again. I saw Dec. 7th, was available, so I clicked it to make an appointment. Apparently, because I didn't cancel the previous appointment, I can't make a new one. And to cancel the previous one, you need an appointment password. You enter that, and click cancel. Sound simple? The appointment password was on the appoinment sheet that I had to print out.

I deleted it a few weeks ago when I thought I didn't need it anymore.

So now I have no appointment password, an appointment I need to cancel, and an appointment I need to make. And let's not forget that I do have a time limit because people will be constantly making appointments online and booking slots. There were only 6 time slots open for Dec. 7th. By the time I get everything sorted out, what if all the time slots are booked? Then I'll have to wait for the New Year!    :/

So I decided to send an email to the embassy explaining the situation, and them emailing my appointment password to me. I open my email account...and find that I can't open it. Password incorrect. And then I remembered that I set the password to expire every 72 days. Because of some idiotic hacker that kept on hacking my account. Shit. So I sent a reset password link to H's account, and proceeded to open his email. Password incorrect again. I forgot his password. And he's busy at work right now, so I can't bother him about this. 

On top of that, I've been placed the responsibility of finding my brother a place to live in the States (long story, don't feel like telling you). And shit's going down from there as well. And my dad is going to be on my head about it when he comes home.

As if I already don't have profs and studying to worry about.

There's also some internal family stuff involved which is too personal to mention, but trust me, it's throwing me off very badly.

I feel disoriented, messy, and lost. And I absolutely hate this feeling. I hate days like this when everything is going wrong, nothing is going right at all. I better make the effort, go pray to Allah, and turn this day around myself.

Potterfreak.

POTTER OVER TWILIGHT ANY DAY.

This will now be a rant on why I love Harry Potter and why I dislike Twilight.

And how I will immediately lower my liking for you if you claim to like both. You just can't You're weird then.

Harry Potter...is amazing. (I'm more articulate when it comes to hating.) 7 amazing books, and even though the story might be a little cheesy and corny at times, it was a basic theme (good over evil) dazzled in magic. And it taught loads of things: bravery, courage, selflessness.

The first point I have to raise is HOW can anyone compare 3 Twilight books with 7 HP ones? That just isn't fair. More books, you're the winner. Because it's a much better explained story.

Before my laptop crashed this summer, I wrote a post saying that I was going to go see the last HP7 part in theatres. I did. It was frikkin awesome. You can't beat that. STEPHANIE MEYER, CAN YOU HEAR ME?

And what's Twilight about? Vampires. Hm. And about Bella being in love with one, and how she can't live without him. Well. Forgive me if this sounds like a normal soppy romance on the way. (Oh wait! It is.)

I tried watching Twilight once. First of all, everything was always either blue or black. The sky, the house, the environment. That turned me off. Secondly, Bella looked sleepy half the time. And it just seemed like a downer movie. Nothing was fun, or interesting. There was no humor. I was just gaping at the screen, and then turned it off. Never watched it again. I never even tried. 

Okay, I just realized that this is making me sound like a Twlight hater. Oops. 

Let me straighten this. Twilight is a series. A 3 part series. Just like millions of 3 part series out there. Maybe if I had given it a chance, I would've come to enjoy it. Reading the books, I mean. And to me, Twlight is like one of those series that you read, you like, you recommend, and move on. It doesn't seem like it should impact anybody (like it does).

What really drives me over the edge is when people compare Harry Potter with Twlight. Seriously?

IT IS INCOMPARABLE. You're comparing 7 series of books that began in 1993 and ended in 2010, with a 3 part series that was probably complete in 3 years max? 

You just can't. How can you? :/

Anyway.

I will always be the girl who, when she sees Robert Pattison, she'll scream ''Cedric!'' instead of Edward.

And will love Severus Snape with everything ever. He is so awesome. 

What about you? Potterhead or Twlightian? I won't judge. I love my followers. :)

Dream Diary.

I woke up about 50 minutes ago, and I had the weirdest dream.

It was like, the beginning of a horror movie. Mom, me, and my other two sisters were in it. We were going by walk to a bazaar to sell my mom's jewelry to pay for going to America. Surprisingly, she was happy about it. On the way, we came to H1's (my youngest sister) school, and the guard outside said to come in,Mrs. Bushra (her principal) was expecting us. We didn't wanna get late, so we said no. But they insisted, so then we said okay. The school had completely changed. The floor had nice, shiny granite tiles, and the bathrooms were made of pink marble, even the toilets. When we first saw the principal, she had her head down on the desk, which I found odd. But when we came, she woke up and talked to us about Haley's progress in school and stuff. She was saying stupid things like ''she couldn't even make a gulab jamun'', and ''she can count all the way to thirty now.'' :s Like, things that were way above and beyond or below her class standard. So anyway, after a while, Mom then said we had to go sell the gold. The principal looked at Mom and said ''It's dark now, the bazaar will be closed'', and she was smiling. Then my mom started yelling really loudly, and I could hear in her voice that she was about to cry. She was saying ''You knew I had to go to the jewellers before nightfall, you deliberately kept me here to waste my time,'' and the principal said ''Lower your voice'', and from somewhere, I even heard my dad saying it.  So we huffed out, and it was turning dark rapidly. We decided to go and check the bazaar anyway, just in case any jeweller shop was open. The road was a gorgeous, slightly winding wide road with spreading trees on either side. And on top of a small hill, I saw my dad, sitting cross legged, getting a chop massage from some man. I lagged behind Mom, and looked up to my Dad, and told him that all of us were going to the bazaar. He nodded. So I started walking to the bazaar. I was alone at this point, because everyone went ahead of me. 

Then out of nowhere, I heard my mom scream, questioningly. ''This isn't the bazaar. This is a strange kind of jewellers. We shouldn't have come. We made a mistake.'' And my sisters were screaming in the background. From the moment my mom had begun talking, I begun to run. Really fast. It was pitch black now, and suddenly a swithcblade appeared in my hand. And then I turned the corner that led to the bazaar, where I heard their voices were coming from, and the entire half circle entryway was ablaze. And I was staring at it. And then, in font, it said in the centre of the blaze, ''The Evil C''. Like this was a horror movie. 

I woke up then. At 2:38pm. This dream (er..nightmare) was so perfectly coordinated, it's not even a joke. What does this mean?!

It was weird waking up from a pitch black nightmare, to stare into sunlight through your window. Very, very comforting though.

I'm gonna go have these things called ''ladoo pithian'' (that's a random hazard guess at spelling) and maybe omelet, and then start study. Cuz I have to. For some reason, I'm excited about study today. In my heart. It's weird. Ab koi nazar naa lagaa dein, khuda k waste.

P.S I ended up watching both Masterchef and Criminal Minds again yesterday. It's impossible to study when I know the shows are on. I'll struggle again today.

P.P.S  I have too much of an overanalytical mind and I wish it wasn't so. Cuz I think I'm not on top anymore. So I don't feel amazing.

Break the Habit.

God, TV shows are way too addicting. I'm starting to feel extremely pathetic for watching them. I mean, I know who wins in Masterchef Australia, and yet I still watch? Why? Why?

I know why.

Cuz of the food.

It looks so delicious. And I hate it when the judges are tasting it.

And Criminal Minds...I wanted to watch it until Emily Prentiss met up with Ian Doyle and to see the final confrontation. So I did, yesterday. And yet, I almost STILL watched today's episode, before catching myself after 20 minutes and forcing myself to study.

I've had a chocolate craving for a week now. I need something chocolatey after dinner. Yesterday was a Cadbury bar. The few days before that was Feast ice cream. Today I had to settle with halwa. Desi. :/

Whimsical resolution: I will not watch Masterchef tomorrow, or Criminal Minds, or any other show. Done.

Studying is just...going. It's not where I want it to be. I want to focus my whole day on it. But I'm barely putting in more than 4 or 5 hours. It's cuz of the curse of the TV shows. 

I want a new phone so bad. But then A told me that it's better not to have it for now, since profs are coming up.And with a new phone, I'll just be manically taking pictures and putting in music and what-not.

(Nobody will understand this. But I need to write it down.) I've gained control. I'm back on top. And honestly? It feels amazing.

Randomie (s) #2

• I put words in other people's mouths. All the time. I have to stop that habit.

• FSc was a huge transition in my life. Not just a stepping stone, like it is for most people. My college experience made me who I am today. Those 2 years were the point where I changed myself. Actively and passively. Some I made an effort, some just happened. Different friends, different ideology, different people. I tarted focusing more on study, I started solidifying a career for myself. So, it wasn't just 2 years of education. It was an actual transition.

• I wonder how deep my words affect him. I wonder how often he remembers me and thinks of me. I wish I knew. I really do.

• Even though I talk a lot (and I'm an introvert for the most part, so that's really weird), I start to dislike it when I've talked for about 80% of the entire conversation, and the person is just calmly listening to me. Bless them. I have to learn to listen more and stop competing for air time.

• A friend of mine told me to read Durud Shareef a hundred times before sleeping to sleep peacefully. And for me to stop having panic attacks. It worked like a charm. Planning on incorporating that into my life. :)

•  My brother wants an ear piercing. He's serious. :/ In the process of convincing him out of it.

•  I just had a cutlet and cheddar cheese grilled sandwich with ketchup. I feel ALIVE! Good food = happy mood. Always. 

• I'm going to write about my interesting moments as much as I can. My life is not as boring and study filled as it seems. 

My favorite bro-tip.

Stretching Like a Cat.

My sleeping schedule has been cured (I think) in the weirdest way.

I sleep for 12 hours (for about a month now)and wake up tired and dredgy and groggy, and it stays that way the entire day.

But I sleep for 5 hours, and I'm as fresh as a coffee bean? 

Weird. So anyway. Yeah, slept at 4, woke at 9, been awake ever since. I had to go the get my past papers and gives some money to the bank for my sister's fees, but then I realized that today the bank is closed. I'm not stupid or anything, they ONLY just announced that Saurday is an official holiday here. For banks. Great. So I had a really nice and quiet breakfast of French toast and orange juice. It felt nice. To eat breakfast after what seems like an eternity. And in peace and quiet.

Yesterday me and my mom went to do some small scale grocery shopping. I bought my most awaited item: CHEESE. Cuz I'm gonna make lasagna today! :D

I've never made it before, but I know all the elements. This is gonna be exciting!

Italian food is love. I'm serious.

And yes, I still plan on getting some studying done after the making of the Italian dish. Geez.

Besides that, nothing to look forward to in my day, I'm not really supposed to look forward to anything except my professionals. And the fact that I have to start studying extra seriously. So far I'm only studying about 3 hours a day, because I wanna watch Masterchef Australia and Criminal Minds. So that just ruins my whole day right there.

I wanna be in 2nd year M.B.B.S sooo bad.